Special Places
by Ponderosa Dreamer
Summary: I've been trying to upload the rest of the chapters, but something's wrong. There's more coming!
1. Dreams Divided

Dreams Divided

Chapter One — A Journey Begun

"Pa, I just don't see how I can pass up this opportunity. I know you don't like the idea of me moving back to Boston, but Richard's offering me a full partnership." Adam was hoping he could convince his father just how important this was to him.

Ben Cartwright regarded his oldest son thoughtfully. "It means that much to you?"

Adam nodded. "Richard says the whole area's booming. He has more work than he can handle, and he's still turning down jobs. This is something I want to do, Pa."

Ben knew that Adam had felt torn ever since Richard Lawson's letter had arrived from Boston. Adam's loyalty to his family had been at war with his longing to put his architecture training to full use and the pull of his memories of college days in Boston. "Son, the Ponderosa is your home, not a prison. I never want you to feel bound here. If this is really what you want, then go after it. We'll miss you, but your brothers and I can manage the ranch."

Adam sighed in relief. He'd worried that Pa would be upset at the idea of him leaving. The past few months, though, he'd felt even more restless than usual. He loved the Ponderosa, but the time he had spent back east had been some of the happiest years he could remember. And ever since, Virginia City had seemed somehow limiting. He was convinced that this move to Boston was the right thing for him. "Thanks, Pa."

v v v

"You're moving _where?_" Joe stared across the table in disbelief.

"Boston? What fer?" Hoss nearly choked on his potatoes.

Both Adam's younger brothers gaped at his announcement at supper that night.

"You remember me talking about Richard Lawson, from college?" Adam continued at their nods, "He's running his own architecture firm in Boston, and he's offered me a full partnership. I figure on leaving the end of the month."

"That's just a couple of weeks!" Joe cut off the rest of his protest at a sharp look from his father.

Ben glared at his youngest. This decision hadn't been easy for Adam, and he didn't need his little brother to make it any harder. 

"I know. Richard said he'll start lining up jobs for me as soon as I can get there. I'll need a couple of weeks travel time, too, don't forget. That makes it a month, even leaving that soon." He rose from the table. "Excuse me, Pa. I better get started getting things together." At his father's nod, Adam headed up the stairs.

Joe sat, staring down at his plate. Adam was really leaving, for good! His older brother might be a royal pain sometimes, but Joe couldn't imagine not having him looking over his shoulder, or covering his back.

Hoss looked lost. He remembered when Adam had left for college, how strange it had seemed not to have him around. Hoss had been afraid at the time that Adam would enjoy city living and decide to stay in Boston. No one, not even Pa, had been happier than Hoss when his older brother had come home. Now it seemed that all his worst fears were coming true. Hoss was losing his big brother, this time permanently.

Ben looked at his two younger sons, knowing what was going through their minds. "I know this is a shock for you, but Adam has thought about this, long and hard. We'll all miss him, but he feels this is the right move for him. He didn't make this decision lightly, so I don't want either one of you making this any harder on him than it has to be, understood?"

Hoss met his father's stern gaze. "Sure, Pa."

Ben noted his youngest boy's lack of response. "Joseph?"

Joe looked down at his plate, pushing the food around. "Yeah, Pa, okay." 

v v v

Joe had finished the evening barn chores, but was in no hurry to get back in the house. He stood brushing Cochise, despite the horse's already gleaming coat. Just being around horses helped him think. He remembered Adam teaching him how to train the half-wild pony. Joe grinned faintly at the memory of his brother yelling, trying to convince him that he couldn't just jump on the animal and take off. Adam had kept him from getting stomped or breaking his neck that day. He thought of other times his oldest brother had saved him from his own foolishness.

Adam slipped into the barn quietly, wondering what was keeping Joe. He spotted his brother brushing the pinto, feeling a stab of pain when he saw Joe drag a sleeve across his eyes. Although their relationship was often contentious, Adam knew his little brother had to be hurting at his sudden decision to move away. He remembered when he left for college, Joe had been too young to really comprehend how far away Boston was, or how long he'd be gone. When he'd returned four years later, the two of them had needed to get to know one another all over again.

Adam moved toward the stall. "Hey, Joe. You okay?"

"Yeah." Joe sniffed, embarrassed at being caught.

"You know, if you keep brushing her like that, ol' Cooch won't have any hair left on that hide of hers." He knew why Joe was paying so much attention to the horse. When something was bothering him, Joe usually preferred horses to people.

"She likes it." Joe kept brushing the horse, glad of an excuse not to look his brother in the eye.

"Joe, look. I know I've kind of sprung this Boston thing on everyone, but it's something I just have to do." Adam hoped he could make Joe understand that he wasn't doing this to hurt them, or just because he wanted to get away from them. "This is something I've wanted for years, and now it's just dropped into my lap."

Joe finally looked up from the horse's side. "I guess. I just don't get how you could want to move away from the Ponderosa, Adam. And to Boston? Sheesh, San Francisco's big enough, and _that _seems too crowded for me, sometimes!"

Adam sighed. The attractions of big cities were something that neither one of his brothers would ever agree with him on. "I love it here, Joe. But it's different for me. You've never lived anywhere else, and Hoss was too young to remember when we settled here. I just need to try this, being somewhere on my own."

Joe shook his head and resumed brushing Cochise. "Yeah, okay, Adam. You gotta do what you think is right for you."

Adam put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Better get inside soon. Pa sent me out to see what was taking so long."

"Okay, in a few minutes."

Adam walked back to the house, not feeling like he'd really resolved anything. He didn't want to hurt his family by leaving. This chance was like a dream come true for him, but the only one who could see that seemed to be Pa. 

v v v

Adam looked up from the book at a soft knock on his bedroom door. "Come in."

Hoss came in and settled in the chair. "Saw yer light on, and figgered you were still up."

Adam set the book aside. "Yeah. What's on your mind, Hoss?" He knew his brother would want to get straight to the point.

"You movin' to Boston." Hoss was still trying to figure out why Adam wanted to leave. Everything he needed was right here on the Ponderosa.

Adam wondered for a moment how many times he would have to explain this. "Hoss, you were too little to remember when we first came out here, but Pa's told us all often enough why he moved west."

Hoss nodded, "Yeah. He always had a dream of having a place of his own, of building it up from nothing. That's what he did with the Ponderosa. So?"

"Well, I've had a dream of my own, ever since college. To build things, to look at a building that I designed, and know it will stand there for years, just like I imagined it."

Hoss scrunched up his face, trying to understand. "But you've built things here. This house, some of the buildings in town..."

"I know, Hoss. But it's just not enough anymore. Richard designs office buildings, big department stores. There's even talk back east of 'sky scrapers' ten stories tall, or more! I want to be part of that." Adam's face shone with the intensity he felt.

Hoss caught his older brother's dreamy expression, something very few people ever saw. Most people thought Adam Cartwright was a hard-headed realist, never imagining that he had a visionary side. "Well, I reckon if you gotta go, you gotta, Adam. It's just that...well, doggone, I'm gonna miss ya, that's all!"

Adam smiled. "Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too." He knew it was true, even as he said it. Hoss was the one person he could always talk to. Even when he thought Adam was nuts, like now, he never judged him or ridiculed his dreams.

v v v

Ben caught Adam's eye as Joe and Hoss headed up the stairs, indicating that he wanted to talk to his oldest son in private. He couldn't believe that the days had gone by so quickly, and Adam was leaving tomorrow!

He rose from his chair and poured both of them some brandy. "All packed?" he asked as he handed the glass to Adam.

"Yeah." Adam accepted the glass. He had been looking forward to this talk with his father, as well as dreading it. This was the toughest part of all about leaving.

Ben considered his words carefully. "Adam, I said I'd never try to hold you here, but if you ever change your mind..."

"No, Pa. I'm set on going. This is the right thing for me." Adam hoped that Pa wasn't going to try to talk him out of moving at this late date!

"All right, son, as long as you're sure." Ben regarded the amber liquid in his glass. "I just want you to know, the Ponderosa will always be your home. There's always a place for you here, whatever happens."

Adam swallowed the brandy past the lump that was forming in his throat. "I know that, Pa. I'll remember," he said softly.

Ben was fighting the misty feeling in his own eyes as he downed the rest of his drink. "Well, you'll need to be up early to get that stage on time!" He forced a heartiness he didn't feel.

Adam gulped his own brandy in relief. At least Pa wasn't going to make a scene. And he'd better get upstairs quickly if he didn't want to make one himself! "Night, Pa."

"Good night, son."

v v v

The four Cartwrights gathered next to the stage, reluctant to say goodbye. Joe punched Adam lightly on the shoulder. "You watch out for those city gals, big brother. I hear they're pretty wily!" Adam merely chuckled at his little brother's warning.

Hoss hugged Adam, not caring who saw. "You take care, now, Adam."

Adam straightened his hat, knocked askew by Hoss. "I will. And you keep an eye on that one," he jerked a thumb at their younger brother and grinned, "and don't let him talk you into anything!"

Adam turned to his father. It was plain to see that Ben was struggling to control his emotions. Adam clasped his hands. "Take it easy, Pa."

Ben nodded. "Remember what I said last night."

"I will." Adam hugged his father briefly, then climbed aboard the coach. As the stage jerked into motion, Adam waved out the window and wondered when, or if, he would ever see his family again.

v v v

Chapter Two — Building a Dream

Adam looked over the crowded room. How could all these people dance in this hot stuffy place without even breaking a sweat? He pulled uncomfortably at his high collar, then gave up and headed into the crowd, looking for Richard. This wasn't exactly a social occasion for them. Richard's father-in-law, Alistair Wentworth, had planned this party to introduce the architecture firm of Lawson and Cartwright to some of the most influential men in the city. These were the people who determined who would design the newest, grandest buildings in Boston. Adam was enjoying the music, but wished they could just get down to business without all this foolishness.

"Adam, there you are!" Sabrina Wentworth Lawson grabbed the sleeve of her husband's partner. "I've been looking everywhere for you." She steered him toward the side of the room. "You haven't met my little sister yet, have you?"

Adam had to fight the urge to stare. Sabrina was leading him up to one of the most gorgeous creatures he had ever seen. "No, I don't believe I've had the pleasure." 

"Jocelyn, this is Richard's partner, Adam Cartwright. Adam, my sister, Jocelyn Wentworth." Sabrina hoped this match would work out. Jocelyn was twenty-three, and if she kept discarding suitors as she had, people would begin to talk.

Adam flashed his most winning smile at her, and raised her hand to his lips. "My pleasure, Miss Wentworth." He meant every word of it. Jocelyn Wentworth's ebony hair and lovely figure were showcased by the vivid violet of the gown she wore. When she raised her gaze to meet his, Adam felt a shock at the sight of her violet eyes. 

"Mr. Cartwright." Her voice was soft and musical. Adam realized that he was staring.

"Uh, Miss Wentworth, would you do me the honor?" Adam gestured toward the dance floor, his earlier discomfort forgotten. She smiled and took his outstretched hand.

As they danced, Jocelyn knew what Sabrina was up to. Well, she'd just have to make the best of it! At least he was a decent dancer. "Where is it that you're from, Mr. Cartwright?"

"Nevada, Virginia City." He smiled down at her. "I don't suppose you've ever heard of it."

"No, I haven't." The only place she had heard of out west was San Francisco, and what she'd heard of that was barbaric!

"My family has a ranch west of there, up in the mountains. Mostly cattle, but some timber and mining, too." Adam was still more than a little homesick.

"Good heavens! You mean... you're a _cowboy?_" Jocelyn gasped in shock. What was her sister trying to do to her?

Adam chuckled at her reaction. "No, I'm an architect. My father owns the ranch, and I was raised there."

She stared up at him. "Then how did you end up in Boston?"

"I knew Richard in college. He invited me to come join his firm, and I enjoyed living here before, so I jumped at the chance."

"I don't wonder! How on earth did you ever survive out there?" Jocelyn had heard tales of the Wild West, and couldn't understand how anyone could live like that.

"It's not as bad as you read about. Why, we hardly ever have Indian raids anymore." He smiled, teasing her a bit. "It must be a couple of months at least since the last one." He chuckled again at her expression.

"Mr. Cartwright!" Jocelyn's shock turned to temper when she realized he was making fun of her. 

He had the nerve to laugh. "I'm sorry, Miss Wentworth, but I've just met so many people here with silly notions about the west. It's nothing like the dime novels' version. We don't run around shooting people all the time, and most folks are peaceful and law-abiding. I've read some of those stories, and _I _don't even recognize that place they're talking about."

"But people do go about armed there, don't they?" She wasn't going to be ridiculed so easily.

He sobered at that. "Yes. One can still get into some dangerous situations."

"Did you?" Her curiosity about this dark stranger got the best of her manners.

"Did I what?" He wasn't sure what she was asking.

"Did you carry a gun when you lived there?"

"Yes. From the time I was sixteen." Adam wasn't pleased with this line of discussion.

"Have you ever shot anyone?" Jocelyn pressed on.

Adam was relieved to hear the music end. "Yes," he said shortly. He escorted her back to the side of the room. "Thank you for the dance, Miss Wentworth." He turned abruptly and walked away from her.

Jocelyn stared at his retreating back, wondering why he had gotten so huffy over a simple question. She was intrigued by the tall, handsome westerner, and resolved to find out more about him.

Adam made his way out to the garden, needing some fresh air. Jocelyn's questions had brought back memories that he preferred not to dwell on. Yes, he had shot someone. He remembered the nightmarish night and day that he'd spent holding Joe on his own horse, praying that he could get his brother back to the Ponderosa before he died. Then, when the doctor couldn't come, having to dig his own bullet out of his brother's shoulder. All because of a stupid careless hunting accident. It had taken Adam a long time to regain his confidence after that incident. 

"Adam, come on." Richard came up and grabbed his sleeve. "There's some people here you have to meet. That's the whole idea of this shindig, anyway." The shorter, stockier man propelled his partner back toward the ballroom.

v v v

"You asked him _what?_" Sabrina Lawson glared down at her younger sister. 

"I asked him if he'd ever shot anyone, then he got all huffy and left." Jocelyn still didn't see what she'd done that was so terrible.

"Jocelyn, what is the matter with you? Any decent man wouldn't want to talk of such a thing! What in the world were you thinking?" Sabrina was beginning to wonder if she was _ever _going to get Jocelyn married off. 

Jocelyn's famous temper flared. "Well, how was I supposed to know? After all, he comes from the wilderness, I didn't think it would bother him! I was just trying to make conversation, Sabrina."

Sabrina rolled her eyes in a plea for heavenly support. "Jocelyn, sometimes I think you're hopeless!" She glanced at the clock. "I better get going. Richard's waiting downstairs for me. You're still coming for dinner and the opera on Friday, aren't you?"

"Depends. Is Mr. Cartwright coming, too?" Jocelyn grinned at her sister.

Sabrina sighed. "Yes. Richard's convinced him to come along. But if you behave like you did tonight, I doubt he'll thank us for the experience!"

Jocelyn put on her best innocent look. "I promise, dear sister. I'll absolutely charm Mr. Cartwright off his feet."

v v v

Jocelyn was as good as her word. Adam had felt uneasy, considering their last meeting, when he found out that he was to escort Miss Wentworth for the evening. But his fears turned out to be unfounded. Jocelyn was on her best behavior, and proved to be a lively and sparkling companion. By the end of the evening, Adam was enjoying her flirting and teasing.

Richard watched dourly as his partner said goodnight to his sister-in-law. Adam had walked her up the steps to her father's door, leaving Richard and Sabrina sitting in the carriage. "I hope you know what you're doing," Richard muttered to his wife.

"Oh, don't fuss, Richard. Jocelyn just needs a strong hand, that's all. Papa's always been too easy on her, but I think Adam would be just the man for her." Sabrina was encouraged by the way this evening had turned out.

Richard just shook his head at his wife's matchmaking.

v v v

Within a few weeks, Adam and Jocelyn were already thought of as a couple by the Wentworth's social circle. Finally, Richard felt he had to say something to Adam regarding his intentions. He decided that it would be easier to approach Adam at work.

Adam looked up as Richard entered his office. "I don't have those drawings done yet, Rich. Just tell the client that I'll have them tomorrow."

Richard closed the door to the outer office. "That's not a problem, Adam." He cleared his throat, wondering how he had gotten himself into this situation. "Adam, Jocelyn's father is starting to wonder about you and her. He's wanting to know what your intentions are."

"My intentions? What intentions?" Adam was confused by the question.

Richard settled on the corner of the desk, facing Adam seated at the drafting table. "It's all over town that you're courting her. You know how Boston society is. You've been seeing quite a bit of her, and that's bound to start a scandal soon."

Adam was getting indignant over the insinuation. "We've never been anywhere that we weren't properly chaperoned! You know that as well as I do!" Indeed, Richard and Sabrina had been constant companions to Adam and Jocelyn, just to avoid any appearance of impropriety.

"I know, Adam! I'm not saying that there's anything improper going on. I know you better than that. It's just starting to cause talk, that's all." Richard was embarrassed about having to discuss this with his old friend at all. "Look, just forget I said anything. Sabrina wanted me to mention it to you, but I should have told her to mind her own business." He got up from the desk and went back into his own office, red-faced.

Adam looked after his partner as the door closed. Setting the drafting pencil down, he leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. What were his intentions toward Jocelyn? He certainly didn't want to damage her reputation, and that was what would happen if they continued to see each other as they had been. He enjoyed her company, and found himself laughing at her sharp barbs at the social circles they moved in.

Adam had saved a good bit of money over the years living on the Ponderosa, and had invested it well. He'd had more than enough to live comfortably while he was establishing himself here in Boston. His practice with Richard was doing well, and his earlier investments continued to pay adequately. Adam was not yet wealthy in his own right, but he was definitely on the way. Financially, he was certainly able to contemplate settling down and starting a family.

That left the other question. Did he love her? Adam wasn't sure he knew the answer to that one. He thought back to the first time he'd seen her, at the party. She'd taken his breath away. But Adam also remembered that the evening had ended badly. Jocelyn had seemed to understand why he'd taken offense at her questions, but the memory still rankled. 

He thought about not seeing her again, and grimaced at that thought. His mind formed a picture of dark, shiny hair, a tiny but determined chin, sparkling smile, and flashing violet eyes. He could hear the chime of her laughter as she poked fun at one of the stuffed shirts of Boston society. 

He sighed. No, cutting off their relationship wasn't the answer. He couldn't imagine not seeing her any more. Adam wondered how anyone knew when they were in love. Pa had certainly seemed to have no trouble figuring it out, with Inger, then Marie. Adam wondered if those feelings would appear after marriage. Or maybe that kind of passionate love just wasn't part of his make-up. 

He'd been accused of being cold at times. No one really knew just how hard he'd worked to build that wall around his feelings, or how often the whole thing threatened to come tumbling down. Now, could he actually break through that wall, on purpose? Deliberately expose himself to the kind of hurt he'd experienced before, when he'd loved someone then lost them?

Making up his mind, Adam strode to the door between the offices. After knocking, he walked in. "Rich, this Sunday, could you and Sabrina, um, make yourselves scarce for a while at the park?"

Richard looked up in surprise. "Uh, sure. Adam, don't think that just because I said that, you have to..."

Adam waved off his partner's concern. "No, that's not it. You just got me started thinking, that's all. I needed a nudge." He grinned at the shorter man. "I'm leaving early. See you tomorrow!"

Adam made a stop on his way home that afternoon, and that evening, paid a visit to Mr. Wentworth.

v v v

Adam sat on the park bench next to Jocelyn, trying to catch Richard's eye. When his partner glanced at him, Adam jerked his eyes meaningfully toward the rose garden. Richard caught the hint and helped his wife to her feet. "My dear, let's go have a look at the roses." He started guiding her away, even as she spluttered a protest.

Adam knew he didn't have much time. Sabrina wouldn't leave them alone for very long. He looked at Jocelyn and took a deep breath. "Jocelyn, the time we've spent together has meant a great deal to me. I hope you feel the same."

She looked up at him. "Yes, of course it has." A question formed in her eyes. What was he up to?

Adam felt in his pocket, drawing out a small box. He slipped off the bench and dropped to one knee in front of her. "Jocelyn, I would be honored if you'd consent to be my wife."

Jocelyn thought before she answered. He wasn't from one of the fine families of Boston, but he was successful, and good-looking. Her family's connections ought to be enough to secure their place in society. She smiled down at him. "I would be honored to be your wife."

Adam let out the breath he'd been holding and slipped the ring on her finger, kissing her hand afterward. He moved back next to her, slipping an arm around her shoulders as Richard and Sabrina approached.

One look at the couple's faces told them what had happened, but Richard couldn't resist teasing a little. "All right, what's going on here? Seems like we just can't leave you two alone for a minute!"

Adam beamed at him. "Jocelyn has agreed to marry me."

Richard grinned as he congratulated them, but something seemed just a little off-kilter. Adam and Jocelyn just didn't sound right together to him.

v v v

Joe noticed the look of surprise on his father's face as he read the letter. "What's Adam say, Pa?"

Ben looked up from the page. "He's getting married."

"Married! When?" Joe crowded close to get a look for himself.

"The seventeenth." Ben was stunned by the news. Adam hadn't mentioned the girl in any of his previous letters, and now suddenly he was going to marry her.

"Well that dadburned Adam always was a slick one with the ladies, Pa. Married! If that don't beat all!" Hoss wasn't all that surprised by Adam's announcement. He'd always figured some woman would snare his older brother someday.

Joe was bothered by his father's troubled look. "What's wrong, Pa? I'd think you'd be happy for him."

Ben shook off his misgivings. "I am, Joe. I guess I just wish I had time to get there." He rose and headed for the stairs. "I'll send a wire in the morning. Don't you two stay up too late. I want to get an early start."

Joe and Hoss looked at each other and groaned. To Pa, an "early start" meant dawn. "We won't, Pa." Hoss turned back to their checker game.

v v v

Adam opened the telegram. 

CONGRATULATIONS AND BEST WISHES ON YOUR MARRIAGE STOP WISH WE COULD BE THERE STOP HOPE YOU CAN VISIT SOON STOP PA

He, too, wished they could be here for the wedding. But since Jocelyn's father was leaving for a trip overseas, she wanted to have the wedding as soon as possible. There just wasn't time for his family to travel all the way from Nevada.

Adam thought about the prospect of visiting the Ponderosa. Jocelyn would probably be horrified at the idea, still clinging to her belief that the west was populated entirely by outlaws and wild Indians. He didn't think he'd be able to change her mind any time soon. He missed his family and his home, though, and was determined that sooner or later, he would convince her to come with him.

v v v

Adam stood at the front of the church, staring out at the sea of faces. "How did I let Jocelyn talk me into this?" he muttered to Richard, standing at his side.

Richard chuckled softly. "Relax, partner. The Wentworths have to give their daughters a good send-off!" He had felt the same way at his own wedding. Sabrina's family had pulled out all the stops, and Jocelyn wasn't about to have her wedding compared unfavorably with her sister's.

Adam watched the bridesmaids come down the aisle, then caught his breath at the sight of Jocelyn. The snow-white gown she wore had been made from the latest French styles, and probably cost more than all the clothes Adam had ever owned in his life. Adam felt a jolt at that thought. This was his wedding day. Why on earth was he thinking about how much his bride's dress cost?

Jocelyn's face glowed as she approached her groom. She saw his eyes widen when he looked at her and smiled. The gown was perfect, and she had insisted on violets for her bouquet, knowing that they would accentuate her eyes. This was the fairy-tale wedding she had always dreamed of, including the handsome prince!

When Jocelyn smiled at him, Adam forgot the crowd, the expense, everything but her. This was the beginning of their life together. He felt a bit of regret at the fact that Pa and his brothers couldn't be here with him. He had always hoped that Hoss would be the one standing at his side on this day.

v v v

Chapter Three — Awakening

"I don't care if we have to wait two days for the next stage! I'm not going one mile farther until I've had a bath and a decent night's sleep!" Jocelyn was sick and tired of being dusty and dirty, and she was _not _about to meet Adam's family in this state.

Adam tried to reason with his wife. "Honey, we can be there tomorrow. It's just one more day." It had taken him two months to convince her to travel west with him, and he was anxious to get to the Ponderosa. 

"All the better reason to get a hotel for tonight. I don't want to meet them like this." She futilely brushed at the trail dust on her skirt.

Adam sighed and resigned himself to the situation. Jocelyn had been uncomfortable and complaining the entire trip, and at least tonight, he could get some peace!

"All right." He called up to the driver, "Throw our bags down, please. Mrs. Cartwright and I will be staying here."

The driver shrugged, glad that the couple had at last settled their disagreement. The delay from their arguing was going to throw him behind schedule as it was. "Suit yerselves." He tossed the bags down from the top of the coach. "What about these trunks? You want them, too?"

Adam shook his head. "Can you just deliver them to the Virginia City stage depot? We'll pick them up there."

"Yeah, okay." The driver looked relieved. At least he wouldn't have to waste more time unloading the heavy trunks. "Hee yahh!" He slapped the reins and was off.

Adam picked up the bags where the driver had tossed them. "Let's get over to the hotel. I'll see if I can hire a buggy tomorrow, and we can drive the rest of the way." He didn't want to wait for the next stage, and he was familiar enough with the countryside to find his own way.

Jocelyn looked worried. "Oh Adam. Do you think it's safe, traveling by buggy?"

He snorted, losing patience with her. "Of course it's safe! How many times do I have to tell you, this place isn't like you've read about!" He calmed a moment later. "Jocelyn, don't worry. I've ridden that road a hundred times. I wouldn't take you out there if it weren't safe."

"If it's so safe, why are you wearing _that_?" She pointed at the gun he'd been wearing since they crossed the Mississippi River.

"Jocelyn, look around here. Do you see a man who _isn't _wearing a gun?" They entered the hotel lobby and Adam set down the bags in front of the desk. After arranging for a room and bath, he escorted her up the stairs. 

Once he was sure of his wife's comfort, Adam set off in search of a livery. The liveryman was reluctant at first, not wanting to hire out a horse and buggy to some eastern dude with no guarantee that they would be returned. Once Adam mentioned his name, however, the man's attitude changed dramatically. "Oh sure, Mr. Cartwright. I know you'll see that they get back."

Adam smiled in relief. "If I can't get them back in a couple of days, one of my brothers will bring them by. I'm afraid my wife just isn't up to any more of that stage."

"Yeah, women can be a trial sometimes. I'll have that buggy for ya first thing in the mornin'." The liveryman shuffled off.

Adam hurried back to the hotel, hoping that Jocelyn would be in a better mood after a bath and a rest.

v v v

They pulled up in front of the house the next afternoon. As Adam helped Jocelyn from the buggy, the front door flew open. "Mistah Adam! No one know when you come! Family all out, all work!" Hop Sing was surprised that Adam had turned up unannounced. They had expected a telegram telling them when to meet the stage.

Adam grinned at the cook. "We weren't sure ourselves. Hop Sing, this is my wife Jocelyn."

Hop Sing smiled at her. "Missy, you come in, sit. Too pletty stand out in hot sun. Mistah Adam always have good taste."

Jocelyn just stared, but allowed Hop Sing to guide her to the living room. When he brought a pitcher of lemonade and glasses, she managed to get out, "Thank you."

Adam had to stifle a laugh at the expression on her face. Hop Sing was nothing like the servants she had been used to in her father's house, or even their own housekeeper! Jocelyn was accustomed to household employees who "knew their place," but she didn't realize that Hop Sing had been running the house for many years, and was more like family than hired help.

He had carried their bags upstairs and stabled the horse by the time they heard a rider approaching. "Good. Pa's back early." He moved from the window, settling next to Jocelyn on the settee. He grinned over at her. "Don't say anything." He wanted to see how long it took Ben to notice them.

Ben was puzzled by the strange buggy parked by the side of the barn, and didn't recognize the brand on the horse stabled inside. What was going on? He glanced at the house. Nothing seemed out of order. Hop Sing waved from the garden, reassuring him that all was well. Hmm. Must be company. He headed inside to greet his guest.

He paused in the entry, looking for some sign of the mysterious caller. "Hello?" he called out. "Is there something I can do for you?" He moved into the main room, stopping when he saw the backs of two people sitting in front of the fireplace.

Adam heard the steps behind him, and stood, grinning. "Well, you could come meet your daughter-in-law!"

"Adam!" Ben rushed forward to greet his son. "When did you get in? We didn't know when to expect you, or we'd have met the stage." For the moment, Ben had overlooked the young woman seated next to Adam.

"Pa, this is Jocelyn." Adam drew her to her feet. "Jocelyn, my father." 

Jocelyn smiled and extended her hand, saying nothing. She was not impressed. Adam's father was certainly striking-looking, but he was dressed as a common cowhand, and had obviously been working. His face was streaked with dust and sweat, and he smelled like cows!

"It's a pleasure to meet you at last, my dear. Welcome to the Ponderosa." Ben noticed her hesitancy. "I'm afraid you're not catching us at our best, right now." He turned to his son. "Adam, you should have given us some notice, then at least I wouldn't have been fresh off the range to meet your lovely bride."

Adam looked a bit embarrassed at that. "We got off the stage in Parkersville and hired a buggy from there, Pa. Jocelyn wanted a chance to freshen up before we got here, and that's the last hotel before Virginia City. We weren't sure just when we'd get in."

Ben beamed at both of them. "Well, let me go get cleaned up, then you can tell me all about the trip, and the wedding. Have you had time to get settled yet?"

Adam nodded, "A bit. We've been here about an hour." 

Ben headed up the stairs, wondering about his son's new wife. She seemed kind of distant, as if she wasn't very pleased with her current situation. 

Jocelyn hadn't had time to recover from the shock of meeting her father-in-law, when the door flew open to admit two more men. She looked on in horror as they greeted her husband exuberantly.

"Adam!" Joe and Hoss charged together, almost knocking their older brother off his feet as they pummeled his back and bombarded him with questions. "When'd you get here? How long are you staying? You here for good?"

Adam laughed and raised his hands in surrender at his brothers' relentless onslaught. "Whoa! Hold on, both of you! Let me catch my breath." He drew Jocelyn forward. "Jocelyn, as much as I hate to admit it, these two yahoos are my brothers, Hoss and Joe." She stood stiffly, not sure what to make of these two ruffians.

Hoss grinned, "Howdy." He turned to his brother, "You got a good eye, older brother."

Joe agreed, "I'll say. Big brother, you just better be glad you saw her first."

Jocelyn could only stare in disbelief as her brothers-in-law excused themselves and made their way up the stairs. "Good heavens, Adam! Are they always like that?"

Adam frowned. "Like what?"

"So...so boisterous! I know they haven't seen you for a while, but goodness! I was afraid for a minute that they were going to injure you,." 

"Injure me! Jocelyn, that was just a little horseplay. I grew up roughhousing with them. Relax, honey." He couldn't believe that she was upset over this. "Look, it's been a long day. Why don't you go on up and rest a while before supper?" He guided her to the stairs.

Jocelyn saw his concerned look, and realized that he was right. She _was _tired. "All right." She ascended the stairs and headed toward the room Adam had shown her earlier. She turned by instinct as she heard a door open down the hall.

"Dadburn it, Joe! How come you always gotta swipe _my_ clean towels?" Hoss charged out into the hall, shirtless and intent on retrieving the wayward towels from his younger brother. With soap in his eyes, he didn't notice Jocelyn standing there until she shrieked and ran for Adam's room, slamming the door behind her. A moment later, he found himself face-to-face with his older brother, who'd come running at his wife's scream.

"What happened? Hoss!" Adam didn't need any explanation once he saw Hoss standing there, half undressed and dripping wet. Hoss was already beet-red with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, Adam. I didn't know she was upstairs!" Hoss blurted, as Ben and Joe emerged to see what the commotion was all about. "Dadburn it all, Little Joe! This is all your fault!"

Joe immediately went on the defensive. "My fault! How is it my fault? I'm not the one prancing around half naked in the hall!"

"Yeah, but if you hadn't swiped my towels, I wouldn't be out here in the first place!" Hoss was ready to light into Joe, who was trying to keep their father between himself and his irate brother.

"All right, that's enough!" Ben bellowed. "Both of you, finish getting cleaned up. Adam, you better make sure Jocelyn's all right."

Adam sighed and shook his head as he tried to open the bedroom door. It was locked! "Jocelyn, it's me honey. Open the door."

Her muffled voice came through the door. "Are they still out there?" She'd heard the yelling in the hall.

"No, everyone's gone. It's just me." After a moment, the lock clicked back, and she opened the door, admitting him to the room.

She turned away as he approached her. "Adam, I'm sorry. I thought I could do this, but I can't. I know this is your home and your family, but I just can't stay here!"

He held her shoulders gently. "Jocelyn, look, it's only the first day. Give it some time, honey." He turned her and tipped her chin up to meet his eyes. "You're tired, and we did just turn up here with no warning. You're not seeing the Ponderosa or my family at their best."

She sniffled, "That's obvious! But Adam, I miss Boston. I want to go back."

"We'll only be here a few weeks. Just try to make the best of it, okay?" He smiled down at her. "Who knows, you might actually start to like it here, if you give it a chance."

She shuddered at the thought. "I'll try, Adam. But that's all I can promise."

v v v

Adam lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling. In the two weeks since he and Jocelyn had arrived at the Ponderosa, it had become clear that she would never be happy here. All she could talk about were the things she missed in Boston. 

Adam was disappointed in the outcome of this visit. It had never occurred to him that she wouldn't get along with his family. But she had the idea firmly entrenched in her head that his brothers were incorrigible barbarians, and was not interested in getting to know them any better. She was even cool and distant with Pa, despite his efforts to make her feel like a member of the family.

Adam sighed. Perhaps it would be better to cut this visit short, and return to Boston next month, rather than staying the two months he had originally planned. Jocelyn certainly wasn't comfortable, and he could feel the tension building between himself and his family over the situation. Better to leave before they wore out their welcome entirely!

He turned to his wife. He could tell by the tightness in her shoulders that she wasn't asleep. "Jocelyn?"

"What?" She turned to face him.

"I've been thinking. How would you feel about starting back to Boston after the end of the month? I know it's earlier than we planned, but..." She cut off his words with kisses.

"Oh, Adam! Yes!" She cuddled against him. "I've been so afraid that you'd want to stay here. I just can't live like this. And... and..." her words faltered.

"And what?" he encouraged her to tell him what else was bothering her.

She looked up at him. "And I'm terrified of having a baby out here."

Adam stared at her, not certain he'd heard her right. "A baby? You mean you're...?"

At her nod, he gathered her in his arms again. "Oh, Jocelyn! Of course I'll take you back to Boston, darling, if that's what you want."

v v v

Ben's joy at the news that he was going to be a grandfather was tempered by Adam's announcement that he and Jocelyn would be returning to Boston a month earlier than they'd planned. Adam tried to explain his decision to his father later that night.

"I hoped we could stay the whole two months, Pa, but Jocelyn's really miserable here. Maybe if she felt better, everything wouldn't be so hard for her." Adam thought that he now understood his wife's moodiness and ill temper. He had been old enough when his brothers were born to realize that pregnancy affected a woman's disposition.

Ben was worried that Adam was making a hasty decision. "Are you sure Jocelyn's up to the trip right now? It might be better to wait until the baby's born."

Adam shook his head vehemently. "No, she's scared to death of that idea. I think worrying about it would just make the whole thing worse for her." He was concerned for Jocelyn's state of mind. "I already tried to convince her to wait just a couple of months. I know the first few months are the hardest. She wouldn't even consider it. Pa, she's just going to stay upset until I get her back to Boston."

Ben sighed. He knew first hand the futility of trying to reason with an expectant mother when she had her mind made up. "Then I guess that going back is the best thing for you to do. For her peace of mind, and yours." He could tell Adam was upset over this. He put a hand on his son's shoulder to reassure him. "I understand, Adam. Things don't always work out just the way we'd like them to."

"Yeah, Pa. Thanks." Adam stood and stretched. "I'll ride into town tomorrow and see about the tickets."

v v v

"Adam! Hey Adam!" The telegrapher's clerk caught up to him, puffing and red-faced. "Boy, I'm glad I caught ya. I was just fixin' to ride out when I heard you were in town. Telegram came in for ya." The boy handed the envelope to Adam.

"Thanks. I'll let you know if there's any reply." Adam tore the envelope open and read the message quickly, then stood for a moment, thinking. This changed everything!

When he arrived home, he showed the wire to his father.

ALISTAIR WENTWORTH DECLARED BANKRUPTCY AND ARRESTED IN FRANCE STOP JOCELYNS INHERITANCE WIPED OUT STOP WERE ON OUR OWN PARTNER STOP RETURN HERE ASAP STOP RICHARD

Ben looked gravely at his son. "How is this going to affect Jocelyn?"

Adam ran a hand through his hair. "That's just it, Pa. Richard and I can make it on our own. I'm doing all right financially. I never counted on the Wentworth money, anyway. That's for Jocelyn and our children. But the Wentworths were a respected family, high society people. That's important to Jocelyn. I'm sure it's a big scandal, and I don't know how she's going to react to that."

"She has to know, son, and it would be better coming from you."

"Pa, I know it's a lot to ask, with Jocelyn's attitude and everything, but I have to get back to Boston as quickly as I can. If she's too upset to travel right now, could she stay here for a few weeks, just until things settle down?" Adam didn't like to ask, knowing that his wife would be an extra burden on his family, but he didn't see that he had much choice.

"Of course she can," Ben replied without a second thought. "She's family, whether she thinks much of the idea or not," he added with a small grin at his son.

"Thanks Pa." Adam trudged up the stairs, dreading giving the news of her father's disgrace to his wife.

v v v

"Papa's _arrested_? Why? What for?" Jocelyn couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I don't know, honey. All I have is Richard's telegram. We'll both do all we can for him, but it's going to be difficult, with him in France." Adam wasn't sure what either he or Richard _could _do to help their father-in-law, short of traveling to France. Well, at least for Adam, that was out of the question.

"Well, I'm sure Richard has Papa's lawyers working on it. They'll figure something out." The gravity of her father's situation hadn't registered with Jocelyn yet.

Adam shook his head. "I'm afraid not. He declared bankruptcy, Jocelyn. There's no money to pay the lawyers. Richard's got his own attorney trying to deal with it, but that's the best we can do, right now."

Jocelyn stared at him in horror. "You mean it's _all _gone?"

Adam nodded. "Everything." He took her in his arms as she started crying. "We'll be all right, sweetheart. Don't worry. Richard and I are doing fine on our own, and I have some money saved. You don't have to be worried about that."

"It's...it's not just that, Adam. How...how am I ever going to hold my head up in Boston again? Everyone will know, and they'll all be talking behind my back. My friends won't want to be seen with me!" She sobbed against his shoulder.

He set her back so he could look her in the eye. "Jocelyn, you are not responsible for what your father did! No one has any right to blame you. If your friends can't see that, then you don't need them. We'll get by."

She held onto him and kept weeping, knowing that he just didn't understand.

v v v

Jocelyn had agreed to stay at the Ponderosa for a few more weeks, much to Adam's surprise. He had expected her to throw a fit at the suggestion that she remain while the furor in Boston died down, while he returned to do what he could to help settle the situation. The following day, as he was packing, another telegram arrived that shattered her world even more completely, if that was possible.

Adam tore open the wire, hoping that Richard would say that it had all been a big mistake and that everything was all right. No such luck.

FRENCH CONSUL INFORMED US THAT ALISTAIR COMMITTED SUICIDE IN FRENCH JAIL STOP MOST URGENT THAT YOU RETURN BOSTON AT ONCE STOP RICHARD

"Oh, God!" Adam's moan brought Ben back from the hall. One look at his son's pale face told him that the telegram was more bad news.

"Adam, what's wrong? Sit down, son." Ben guided Adam to a seat on the bed, seeing the shock register on his face.

"Pa, Jocelyn's father...killed himself." Adam's voice was a hoarse whisper, as if he was forcing himself to say the words. He buried his face in his hands, muttering, "Oh, God. How do I tell her this?"

"Adam, do you want me to send for the doctor before you tell her? It might not be a bad idea, with a shock like this." Ben was concerned for Adam as well as Jocelyn.

Adam forced his mind to function and nodded, "Yeah, Pa, but I can't wait that long to tell her. She'll be wanting to know what the wire was about." 

"All right. Just give me a few minutes to get one of the hands started for town." Ben left the room, wondering how Jocelyn would deal with this latest blow.

About ten minutes later, Ben met Adam halfway down the stairs. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked quietly. Adam nodded wordlessly.

Jocelyn was sitting in the main room reading. She looked up as they entered. The grim expressions on both her husband's and father-in-law's faces alarmed her. "Adam, what's wrong?"

Adam looked at his father, as if for support, and sat on the table facing her. "Honey, that telegram was from Richard. I'm afraid...it's more bad news."

"What?" She was getting scared. Adam looked so distressed, something terrible must have gone wrong. "Oh, God! Sabrina?" 

Adam took her hand. "No, honey, Sabrina's fine. It's...it's your father." He took a deep breath. "There's no easy way to tell you this, honey. He died in jail in France."

Jocelyn paled as he told her. "No! No, not Papa!" She stared up at her husband. "How? How did it happen?"

Adam closed his eyes. He had wanted to spare her this part of it, at least for now. "Jocelyn, it's not...you don't need to..."

"Tell me! How did he die?" Jocelyn was nearly hysterical, screaming at him.

Adam looked helplessly at his father, then back at his wife. He said quietly, "I'm sorry, honey, he took his own life."

"NO! God, no!" Jocelyn moaned, then slumped in Adam's arm's, unconscious.

Ben helped Adam arrange Jocelyn comfortably on the settee, then tried to calm his son down. "She'll be all right, Adam. She's just fainted from the shock. She'll probably come around before the doctor even gets here."

Ben's prediction was correct. Jocelyn awoke a few minutes later, and started crying inconsolably as the import of Adam's words sunk in. Adam helped her upstairs to bed, and waited with her for the doctor's arrival.

An hour later, Paul Martin came down the stairs and reassured Adam, "She's going to be fine, and the baby's fine, too. She just needs to rest for a few days, that's all."

Adam had already determined that he was not leaving while Jocelyn needed him. Anything in Boston that Richard couldn't handle on his own would just have to wait! "Doc, how soon would she be able to travel?"

"Back to Boston?" Martin frowned at Adam's nod. "That's a pretty rough trip. How far do you have to travel by stage?" He knew the railroad was reaching farther west every year, but wasn't sure how far they'd gotten.

"Denver. They just opened the line that far when we came out here." Adam had been grateful for that, at least.

Dr. Martin shook his head. "She's in no shape to travel that far right now. It would be best if she'd stay put until she has the baby."

Adam looked miserable. "I already tried to convince her of that, but Jocelyn won't have any part of it. She wants to be in Boston when the baby comes."

"Well, I'd say she could be up to it in a couple of months, maybe less." Paul could believe that Adam had tried and failed to convince his young wife of the wisdom of remaining at the Ponderosa.

Adam gazed at the ceiling. "I can't stay here that long. Pa, you sure you wouldn't mind?"

Ben clasped his son on the shoulder. "I already told you, Jocelyn's family, Adam. We'll take care of her for you."

Paul cleared his throat. "Adam, just so there's no misunderstanding, just because it will be safe for her to travel, doesn't mean she'll be able to travel alone."

Ben had already anticipated this. "Don't worry, Paul. I'll escort Jocelyn back to Boston myself, if Adam can't come for her."

Adam's shoulders slumped in relief. "Thanks, Pa." He hadn't been sure how he was going to handle getting Jocelyn back home.

v v v

Chapter Four — A Dream Divided

Richard walked into the office and threw his hat down in disgust. "Well, we lost Easterby!"

Adam looked up from the desk at his partner. "Think it would do any good if I talk to him?"

"I doubt it. He's like the rest, his wife's calling the shots." Richard slouched in a chair. "I never realized how much business we got just because these guys were afraid to cross the Wentworths."

Adam stood and stretched. "We still have enough contracts to get by. Sooner or later, they'll figure out that we weren't just doing well because we were connected, but that we actually know what we're doing."

When Adam had returned to Boston, he'd found their business a shambles. Richard had always depended heavily on his wife's social connections to bring in clients, but Adam had been working to change that before he left. Since he'd been back, he'd managed to salvage several important contracts that had almost gone to competitors due to the Wentworth family scandal. He reflected that it was a good thing that Jocelyn had stayed on in Nevada for a while, since he wouldn't have seen her much anyway. He'd been putting in eighteen or twenty hours a day at the office, just trying to keep them afloat.

He glanced at the clock. "I better get going. Pa and Jocelyn are coming in this afternoon, and I want to get to the station early."

Richard laughed. "At least something's getting you out of here before midnight. And go home, Adam. Don't come back!"

Adam grinned back at him. "After three months? You can bet I won't!"

v v v

Adam noticed the two women stare at him as he entered the station, then quickly turn away when they saw him looking in their direction. Strange, they'd looked like a couple of Jocelyn's friends. He shrugged and headed for the arrival board to look for the platform number.

Ben looked up from his book as the train darkened. They were pulling into the shed at the Boston station. He reached over and gently shook his daughter-in-law to wake her. "Jocelyn, wake up, dear. We're coming into the station."

Jocelyn blinked. "What? Oh, we're here?" She sat up, straightening her skirt and smoothing it over her enlarging middle. "Oh, look at me. I'm a mess!"

Ben smiled. "I don't think Adam will mind!" He started to gather their hand baggage as the train jerked to a stop.

Jocelyn peered out the window. "There he is!" She started waving.

Adam spotted Jocelyn waving from the window, and headed for the door of the car, reaching it just as they emerged. Jocelyn flew into his arms. "Oh Adam. I'm so glad to be home!" 

Ben stood back, letting Adam and Jocelyn enjoy their reunion. After all, they'd been apart for almost half their marriage. Meanwhile, he handed their baggage checks to a porter, but wasn't sure where to instruct him to deliver the luggage. He finally cleared his throat.

Adam looked up sheepishly. "Ah, sorry, Pa. Hi."

Ben chuckled. "Sorry to interrupt, but our luggage?" Adam looked blank. "Where should I send it?" Ben was amused by his son's confusion.

"Oh, your luggage!" Adam came out of his daze. "I have a cab outside." Ben nodded to the porter, and they set out for the cab.

v v v

Ben looked sharply at Adam as they entered the concert hall. His son looked tired, and this was the first night he hadn't worked late this week. The last two weeks had been the same. Ben was leaving tomorrow, and he resolved to have a talk with the boy before he went. It was clear that Adam was working too hard. 

Later when they were coming out, Jocelyn recognized a member of the Symphony Auxiliary. She started in the woman's direction, only to stop short when she saw the older woman freeze her with a look, then deliberately turn her back. Jocelyn stood there in shock. Priscilla Engel had just cut her! At that moment, something went cold inside Jocelyn Wentworth Cartwright. So that was why her courtesy notes had gone unanswered! Well, if they thought they could snub her, she'd show them. She would show them all!

v v v

Ben smiled at the picture of his new granddaughter. It certainly looked like she'd gotten the best of looks from both her father and her mother. He could see Jocelyn's delicate jaw, and Adam's determined eyes. Of course, from the black and white photo, he couldn't tell what color the baby's eyes were. He settled down to read Adam's letter. The last couple of paragraphs turned his smile into a frown of concern.

__

... I had hoped that Jocelyn would settle down after Alyssa's birth, and start coming to terms with the changes in our lives. But if anything, she seems even more determined to re-establish herself in Boston society. It bothers me that she has all but turned Alyssa's care over to the nanny, involving herself in several committees and organizations. I sometimes feel as if I don't know my own wife any more.

I know that being cut off by people that she thought were her friends must hurt her, but I can't seem to convince her that she doesn't need to prove anything to those people. I hope that eventually she will realize that those who fault her for her father's folly are not important.

I sometimes think that perhaps Jocelyn and I married too quickly, Pa. Maybe if we'd taken more time to get to know each other, things might have turned out differently. But I suppose that now all I can do is make the best of it, and try to ensure that Alyssa isn't affected by all this.

Ben folded the letter. Adam certainly didn't sound like the happy new father that Ben had expected. From his own perspective, Ben felt that the hardest part of being a parent was waiting around to help pick up the pieces when things fell apart.

— Continued in "The Special Place —


	2. For Richer, For Poorer

For Richer, For Poorer

_This story takes place several years prior to the events in "Amor, Felicidad, y Sonrisas." For those who have not read the other stories, in this, Joe is twenty-seven, Adam is married and living back east, and Hoss is very much alive!_

**For Richer, For Poorer**

Joe finished paying off the last of the drovers. "Thanks again. Remember us if you're ever up our way lookin' for a job!"

"Sure thing!" The hand grinned at him and turned away, headed straight for the nearest saloon.

Joe just shook his head. That bunch knew cattle, all right, and they'd all done good work on the hard drive south, but he figured their pay wasn't going to stay in their pockets long! Well, it wasn't his problem any more. He'd wired Pa a draft for the profit on the sale, holding back just enough to pay the men and get himself back home. He didn't feel safe carrying that much cash, even in a sleepy little town like Las Cruces.

First order of business was to scrub off some of this trail dust! Joe had spotted the bath house earlier, so he headed in that direction. After that, he would stop at the stage office to see what time the next westbound coach was due. He chuckled to himself. The stage trip actually sounded good after so many weeks in the saddle!

"Next stage west ain't fer two days, sonny." The grizzled ticket agent stared at him through the window. "Now if you was headin' east, ya could leave tumorruh."

"Okay, thanks." Joe looked around as he stepped away from the stage office. What was he going to do here for two days? He walked up the street to the hotel, thinking maybe he shouldn't have been so quick to sell those horses he'd ridden south.

The hotel clerk was no more help than the stage agent had been. "Room's five bucks a night." 

"Five dollars!" Joe did some figuring in his head. Ten dollars for the hotel, plus food. He realized he wouldn't have enough left to get home. "There a rooming house or something around?"

"Yep. Mrs. Lonnigan's up the street." The clerk wasn't surprised that the cowhand couldn't afford the price.

"Thanks." Joe left the hotel and turned in the direction the desk clerk had indicated. The rooming house in the next block had seen better days, but the price announced on a hand-lettered sign next to the door looked a lot better. "Room and board, $2 a week." Well, at least he could afford that.

"Tain't fancy, but it's clean." Mrs. Lonnigan was a tall, thin, stern-looking lady, obviously used to dealing with rough cowhands. "House rules are no drinkin', no gamblin', no rowdy carryin' on, no foul language, and no lady visitors. Breakfast's at six, dinner at noon, supper at six. No refunds if ya miss a meal! And I ain't yer mama." She showed him into the plain room.

"That'll be fine, ma'am." He paid her for the week, and set his saddlebag on the dresser as she left. Four walls, a bed, dresser with a lamp, and wash stand. That was about the extent of the room's furnishings. He stretched out. After sleeping on the ground for so long, at least the bed was comfortable. 

When he opened his eyes again, it was nearly dark. His stomach growled, reminding him of the landlady's admonition regarding supper. Hoping he wasn't already late, he headed down the stairs.

v v v

Donna Jenkins scraped the last of the mashed potatoes into the serving bowl and carried it into the dining room. The half dozen men sitting around the table gave her an appreciative glance, but a sharp look from Mrs. Lonnigan kept them silent. Donna noticed a new arrival tonight. He flashed a quick grin at her, and she couldn't help noticing his eyes. She'd never seen anyone with that color of eyes before. Her employer noticed her hesitation, and spoke out, "Set them taters down, and get the rest of the food out here 'fore it gets cold, girl!"

Donna set the bowl on the table and hurried back to the kitchen. Mrs. Lonnigan turned to her newest boarder and snapped, "Don't go gettin' any notions about Donna! She's a good girl, and I don't need the likes of you turnin' her head."

Joe turned his attention back to his plate. "Yes, ma'am." To himself, he thought that he'd like to get to know the slender, blue-eyed brunette a little better.

As Donna washed the dishes, she wondered about the good-looking cowboy with the green eyes. Too bad that guys who looked like that were always broke! Donna had been scraping to get by all her life, and she was fed up with it. Her ambition was to marry money. She snorted. Like anyone with money was going to show up _here! _As soon as she had enough saved, she was getting out of Las Cruces, and heading somewhere where she had a chance of meeting a rich man. Maybe Santa Fe, maybe even Los Angeles. She was already twenty; she couldn't wait too long!

Her thoughts wandered back to the new boarder. He must have come in with that last cattle drive, from somewhere out west was all she'd heard. Must have lost his pay fast, if he was already staying here instead of living high over at the hotel. Most of the drovers spent their money on good living, then showed up at the rooming houses when their cash was running out to wait for the next job.

"Hey, Joe. We're goin' over to the Trail's End. C'mon along." The other men were heading out for the evening.

"Thanks anyway. Been a long trip. I think I'm gonna turn in early." Joe figured his tight finances wouldn't stretch to include many nights of drinking and cards.

"Okay, suit yourself. But come on along if ya change yer mind." They laughed and waved as they crowded out the door.

Joe smiled to himself as he climbed the stairs. If Pa could only see him now!

v v v

Donna's workday started early. By the time the breakfast dishes were cleared and washed, the water was hot for the laundry. Mrs. Lonnigan prided herself on running the cleanest rooming house in town, and maintaining that reputation was up to Donna. Towels and sheets went into the tubs to soak, and she carried buckets of hot water upstairs to start the rounds of scrubbing and cleaning the rooms.

After she'd finished, she returned to the kitchen, where the older woman had already finished scrubbing and rinsing the first batch of sheets. Donna picked up the heavy basket full of wet cloth and carried it out the back door. Suddenly a voice at her side startled her so that she nearly dropped her armload. 

"Here, let me give you a hand with that." Joe grinned as he took the basket from her. "Pretty lady like you shouldn't have to carry that."

Donna cut her eyes sideways at him. Sounded like a line to her! "Thanks. Just put it over by the line, and you can be about your business." She tried to dismiss him without actually being rude.

He just chuckled. "That's my problem. I don't really have any business until the stage office opens. Any idea when that is?"

She frowned. "The stage isn't due in until two. He'll open about an hour before that." The frown melted into a smile. She couldn't help teasing a little. "Why, you tired of this bustling place already?"

He laughed, almost forcing her to notice how his eyes crinkled and danced. "Nope. I'm headed west. Just want to get my ticket before I'm too broke!"

Donna's smile vanished, his reference to being broke acting like a splash of cold water. "Well, they open at one. Excuse me, I have work to do." She turned toward the clothes line, mentally scolding herself. No matter how attractive or pleasant this cowboy seemed, he was just another drifter, living from job to job. 

Joe turned partway back to the house, puzzled by her abrupt change of mood. Then he shrugged. Seeing her smile, even just for a moment, had been worth carrying that heavy basket.

As he entered the kitchen, he saw Mrs. Lonnigan starting to lift the basket of wet towels. "Ma'am, let me get that." He easily hoisted the basket. 

"Mr. Cartwright! I don't make my guests work!" The landlady was indignant over his offer.

"Oh come on. I don't have anything to do this morning, and I can't just sit by while a lady does all the heavy lifting." He flashed his trademark grin at her.

Mrs. Lonnigan snorted, "Well, just don't drop it! I don't aim to spend all afternoon washin' 'em again!" 

He laughed, "Don't worry. I learned real young not to drop clean laundry!" He recalled a few of Hop Sing's tirades on that very subject.

She looked thoughtfully at his back as he carried the basket out the door. At least this young fellow didn't seem to be a total no-account. Somebody'd done a decent job of raising him. Maybe she shouldn't try too hard to scare him off from Donna. The girl wanted to marry rich, but there was more important things in the world than money! She left the washtubs and started to pull out the fixings for dinner.

v v v

Donna sighed as she saw him carrying out the other basket. Some people just couldn't take a hint! As he set it down, she said, "Thanks," and turned back to her work without another word. He just seemed to ignore her abruptness, though, and moved under the clotheslines to face her. As she pinned the towels to the line, she could feel him watching her. Finally she looked over at him. "What?"

"Nothing. Just thought you might like some company." He was still trying to figure her out. She was acting as if she just wanted him to go away, but something didn't seem quite right, almost as if she were forcing herself to be indifferent to him. He couldn't have offended her already; he'd barely said two words to her!

Donna stared at him for a moment, struggling to keep her emotions under control. She reminded herself, "He's broke. He's a drifter, a _broke _drifter. He'll just mess up your plans." Somehow, she just wasn't too convincing. She shrugged, "Suit yourself," and resumed hanging the towels.

He grinned again at her words. At least she hadn't told him to get lost! "So, you always lived in Las Cruces?"

She bit out, "Give me some credit for good sense! If I'd been born here, I'd have left years ago! This is just where I got stuck after... well, after my folks died." She wasn't about to go into her whole life's story with him.

The smile left his face at her words. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject. I lost my ma when I was little, but it's still hard sometimes. Has it been very long?"

She looked away. "Couple years. It wasn't like they were my real folks. They sort of adopted me off the orphan train." She sure didn't want to go into that! "So where are you in such an all-fired hurry to get to, anyway?"

"Home. Up in Nevada. My pa's the nervous type, and he'll have fits if I'm not home when he expects me. Then my big brother'll blame me for getting Pa mad!" Joe laughed. "If there's one thing I don't want to do, it's rile Hoss!"

"Your brother's name is Hoss?" That was a new one on her!

"It's a nickname. He's always been kinda big, and it just sorta fits him better than his real name. His mother was Swedish, and her brother came up with it." Joe decided he liked the way her smile lit up her face.

"_His _mother?" Donna was getting confused. "Wasn't she your mother, too?"

Joe was used to having to straighten out his tangled family history for people. "Nope. Hoss's mother was Pa's second wife. She died when Hoss was a baby. Adam remembers her, though."

"Wait a minute. Who's Adam?" She was only getting more confused by his explanation.

"Adam's our oldest brother." He was enjoying watching her trying to figure it all out.

"And who was his mother?" Donna had a feeling she already knew the answer to this one.

"Pa's first wife." Joe teased her, giving her only the answers she asked for.

"Any more?" He shook his head in reply.

"So you have two older brothers, and you all have different mothers?" She was enjoying the game as much as he was.

"That's it." He laughed again at the sparkle in her eyes.

"Well, why didn't you just say so?" She glared at him in mock aggravation.

"It was more fun to watch you figure it out." 

She grinned back at him, then grew serious once again. "Do you remember your mother?"

His expression relaxed, as if he were recalling fond memories. "A little. Mostly just things like her telling me a story, or rocking me, stuff like that."

Donna sniffed. "Must have been nice. Sometimes I wish I remembered my ma. I'm not even sure who she was or where she went. Just dropped me off at the orphanage."

Joe looked at her sympathetically. "She must have had a good reason to give you up."

She shook off the mood. "I guess. I gotta get in and help with dinner." She took up the empty baskets and trotted toward the house.

v v v

Mrs. Lonnigan had watched them talking out in the yard, and shook her head as she saw Donna head for the back door. Fool girl! So set on the thought of money, she couldn't see what was right under her nose! She just had a feeling about that young Cartwright fellow. Too bad he was leaving tomorrow.

After the meal, Joe walked to the stage depot. The office wasn't open yet, but he figured he might as well wait. Sure enough, within a few minutes, the agent opened the window. Since there were no other passengers, after Joe bought his ticket, he tried to make conversation with the man.

After a few attempts, Joe left the taciturn agent to his business, and wandered up the street. He looked around the general store briefly, not seeing anything he really needed, even if he could afford it. The purchase of the stage ticket had put a significant dent in his already tight finances. He probably should have held back more money from the drive. It was a good thing he was leaving the next day. As it was, he figured he barely had enough to get him home.

As he emerged from the store, the sight of the ticket agent looking up the street and checking his watch made Joe realize that the stage must be overdue. He sauntered up to the older man. "Running late?"

"Yep." The agent looked worried. "Ain't like Willy to run late. Hope they ain't got injun trouble again."

Joe was surprised to hear this. "Indian trouble? I thought that's been over for a long time."

"Mostly." The agent spit tobacco juice into the dust. "But we got Apaches west of here that gets riled sometimes." He looked at his watch again. "Better wire the last stop, see if they got there on time." He ducked into the telegraph office, next door to the depot.

He reappeared a few moments later, shaking his head. "Damn line's down to the west. That don't sound good. First thing them 'Paches usually do is cut the line." He shuffled back into his office, and put up a sign in the window, "Eastbound stage late. Wires down." Then the window closed.

Joe pulled out his ticket for the following day and looked at it. If there was trouble with the Apaches, he could be stuck here for a while. No one was going to chance driving a stage through an uprising. He took stock of his dwindling cash yet again. At least his rent was paid at the boarding house for the rest of the week, and his meals were included. He could probably just get by, he thought, without wiring Pa for more money. Another thought followed on the heels of that. He'd better be able to get by! With the telegraph line down, he couldn't wire Pa! He should have realized that from the start. Better hope that the problem was solved within the next few days.

Donna was dusting in the parlor as he entered the house, and noticed his troubled look. "What's wrong?"

He sighed. "Stage is late. The agent thinks it might be Indian trouble. The telegraph's down, so I can't even wire home and tell them why I'm going to be late. Like I said before, my pa's the worrying type."

She smiled. "Least you got folks to worry about you. And you'll have a little more time to hang around lively Las Cruces!" He had to laugh at that.

Neither one of them would have believed the expression on Mrs. Lonnigan's face, out of sight on the other side of the kitchen door. As she overheard the conversation between the two young people, a rarely-seen smile crept over her features.

It was nearly dark when the tardy stage finally pulled into town. It seemed like the entire population of Las Cruces emptied into the street when the shout went up, "Stage is in!" The ticket agent pushed to the front of the crowd gathered around the arrow-studded coach.

He immediately noted the unknown driver. "Where's Willy?"

The passenger who was driving yelled down, "Inside. Got shot in the shoulder. You got a doctor here?"

Several of the men, including Joe, helped lift the driver from the coach and carried him to the doctor's office nearby.

Donna caught up to Joe as he was leaving the office. "How's Willy?"

He saw the concern in her face. "Doctor says he's gonna be all right. That wound looked worse than it was. You know him?"

She nodded. "He's the regular driver through here. He usually stays at Mrs. Lonnigan's when he's here overnight." 

They met the landlady as they returned to the house. "Donna! I heard Willy's hurt!" To Joe's astonishment, the unflappable Mrs. Lonnigan looked like she'd been crying.

Donna took her arm. "He's all right, Mrs. Lonnigan. He's over at the doctor's, but he's going to be fine." As she reassured the older woman, Joe suddenly realized what the situation was. The crusty landlady cared for the stage driver.

Mrs. Lonnigan turned to Joe. "Mr. Cartwright, you run and tell the doc that Willy's room is ready, just as soon as he's up to movin'."

"I'll do that, ma'am." Joe smiled at her and turned back up the street to return to the doctor's office.

The next morning, Joe headed out to the stage office once again. The sign in the window had been changed to read "No stages until further notice." He wondered how long the Apaches were likely to stay in the area. The telegrapher wasn't encouraging, either, when Joe asked when service was likely to be restored.

"Ain't no way to tell. I sure as hell ain't gonna ride out there to find the break!" The man was definite about that, and there was really no way Joe could blame him.

"Yeah, I see your point. I just thought you might have some idea how long these problems usually last." 

"Depends on how long them 'Paches stay het up, and where the break is. The company'll send word when it's fixed." He didn't seem too concerned one way or the other.

Joe mentally refigured his cash situation. "I suppose that's when the stage will start running again, too?" 

"Yep." The man behind the counter turned away. "Lemme know if ya want ta send a message."

"Thanks, anyway." Joe shuffled out of the telegraph office. With no way to wire home, if he was stuck here for more than a couple of days, he was going to be in serious trouble! 

His path back to the rooming house took him past the livery. The scream of a horse in distress sent him running around the building to the corral in back. He stared in shock as a man picked himself off the ground and headed for the obviously terrified animal. When he saw a whip in the fellow's hand, Joe couldn't help yelling out, "What in the hell are you doing?"

"Breakin' this ornery critter, if it's any of yer business!" The man in the corral glared at Joe, while keeping one eye on the horse.

"You're not gonna do it by scaring him to death!" Joe could see that trying to mount the enraged creature now would be suicide.

"Only one thing a jughead like this understands." The other man started toward the horse with the whip. Joe couldn't stand any more, and before he knew it, he was in the corral grabbing the whip. 

"All you're gonna do with that is get yourself killed!" He threw the whip over the fence. The stable hand pulled back a fist, but before he could throw the punch, another voice rang out.

"What's going on here?" The older man came out the back of the livery.

The stable hand spoke quickly. "I was just bustin' this horse like ya tole me, Mr. Hollis. Then this nosey sonuvabitch starts tryin' to tell me how to do my job!"

Joe slipped through the gate and approached the other man. "You the owner here?" At his nod, Joe continued, "I heard the horse screaming and came to see what was going on. He was abusing this animal, and if he keeps it up, that horse won't be good for anything. You can't break a horse by whipping him!"

"Whipping? Gaines, I told you if I caught you with that whip again, you were fired. Clear out, now! You can pick up your pay tomorrow." Hollis appeared ready to pull the other man out of the corral by force, if necessary.

Gaines glared at Joe, then turned back to Hollis. "You gonna take his word over mine?"

"I heard that horse squealing, too. Get out of here!" The stable owner was fed up with his surly employee. Hollis and Joe both watched as Gaines climbed out of the corral and ambled around the side of the stable. "Good riddance!" Hollis seemed relieved that the hand hadn't given him more of an argument. He turned to Joe. "Thanks, mister. But you better watch your back. That Gaines is a mean one."

"Yeah, I figured by the way he was treating that horse." Joe wasn't all that concerned. Bullies like Gaines usually shied away from anyone who might fight back, in his experience.

"Sounds to me like you know a thing or two about horses." Hollis was sizing up the young man. Gaines' departure left him without a hand.

Joe laughed, "You might say that. Grew up around them. I saddle-broke my first horse when I was twelve."

"Want a job? Can't pay much, and the job would mostly be feeding, watering, and cleaning up. There'd be some breaking and training, too, if there's any to be done." Hollis didn't think this fellow would be willing to work for what he could pay.

"Depends. What's the pay?" Joe figured that the earnings from this job could supplement his meager finances until the stage started running again.

"Fifty cents a day for the stable work, and two dollars a head for breaking or training." 

"Sounds fair enough, but I'm only in town until the westbound stage starts running again." Joe had to be honest with the man, not wanting him to expect a long-term employee.

"That's okay. I should be able to find someone steady by then." Hollis stuck out his hand. "Brad Hollis."

Joe smiled at his new boss and shook his hand. "Joe Cartwright."

"Okay, Joe. Think you could start with that one?" Hollis gestured at the horse in the corral.

Joe regarded the horse, who was calmer, but still skittish. "I'll give it a try, but he might need more time to settle down." He climbed over the rails into the corral. As he approached the nervous animal, he began talking softly. When he could get close enough without the horse shying away, Joe pulled out an apple he had stuck in his pocket at breakfast. "Here you go." The horse nosed the offering warily, then decided that it smelled all right. He munched the apple, and Joe gently rubbed his nose.

After spending a while gaining the horse's trust, Joe felt ready to try to ride. He kept talking as he moved around the side, letting the horse know where he was. When he swung into the saddle, he was prepared for the bucking that followed, and rode it out until the horse realized that the rider wasn't hurting him. A few more bounces and shakes, and the animal started to respond to Joe's directions with the reins and his knees. Joe finally rode around the corral a couple of times, then dismounted. "That's enough for today. Good job, fella." He rubbed the horse's ears and led him into the stable.

As Joe removed the tack and started brushing the horse down, Hollis came in and said softly, "If that don't beat all! I never figured you'd be able to ride him today."

Joe replied, "Just had to let him know I wasn't gonna hurt him. He needs a lot more work before he'll make a saddle horse, but I can work with him more tomorrow."

Hollis realized that he had more than an ordinary stable hand working for him. "Sure wish I could afford to pay you what you're worth. You got a real talent with horses."

Joe grinned as he finished tending the horse. "I can get by on it. Besides, if I gotta work, I'd rather work with horses."

v v v

Donna smiled as she saw him approaching the house. Stopping her sweeping for a moment, she asked, "Where you been all day?"

He grinned. "Working. Got a job over at the livery."

She laughed and waved a hand in front of her face. "That explains it! Better change and wash before supper. Mrs. Lonnigan won't let you at the table smellin' like that!"

Joe dug into his plate with enthusiasm that night. The food was simple, but it was good, and there was plenty of it. The day's work had sharpened his appetite, and Mrs. Lonnigan observed that his new job seemed to agree with him.

The end of the week came with no news of the stage or the telegraph, so Joe figured he was going to be in Las Cruces for a while to come. As Hollis paid him, he asked Joe, "You hear about the dance tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, heard some of the fellows over at Mrs. Lonnigan's talking about it." Joe had plans for that dance, especially now with a bit of money in his pocket.

He paid his rent for the next week after supper, then slipped into the kitchen where Donna was finishing up the dishes. "Uh, Miss Donna? I know it's awful late notice, and you probably already have plans, but I was wondering if you'd go to the dance with me tomorrow night?" Joe wondered why he was suddenly so nervous just asking a girl to a dance.

Donna hesitated. He was still just a cowhand, even if he was working now. But she just couldn't resist the lost-puppy expression on his face. "All right, on one condition."

"What's that?"

"Stop calling me 'Miss Donna!' It sounds like an old-maid schoolteacher!"

He grinned back at her. "Okay, fair enough, Donna. Can you be ready about seven-thirty?"

"I'll be ready."

v v v

Mrs. Lonnigan watched the young couple gliding across the floor. Maybe that fool girl was finally starting to wake up! Anyone with half an eye could see that young Cartwright fellow was sweet on her.

Unaware of her employer's gaze, Donna floated around the room in his arms. She wondered briefly where a cowboy had ever learned to dance like that, then gave up wondering and just enjoyed it. By the end of the evening, she had forgotten all about his apparent poverty, and found herself disappointed when the last dance of the evening was announced.

"Thank you, Donna. I hope you had a good time." Joe raised her hand and grazed it with his lips, then smiled and headed up the stairs. She stood in the entry hall of the boarding house, stunned for a moment. She shook off her amazement, and wandered to her room, still seeing his laughing green eyes.

v v v

The following Friday, Joe arranged with Mr. Hollis to hire a horse and buggy for Sunday afternoon. Much to his surprise, Mrs. Lonnigan agreed readily to preparing a picnic lunch for two, and even had some advice on an appropriate spot. Then Saturday afternoon came the announcement he'd been both anticipating and dreading. "Telegraph's up. Westbound stage will run on Tuesday." 

He wired home to let Pa and Hoss know he was all right, and when he would be leaving Las Cruces. Returning to the livery, he told Mr. Hollis that Monday would be his last day. "Figured you were too good to stick around here very long. Well, good luck, Joe. I'll have your pay ready Monday night."

"Thanks." Now came the hard part, telling Donna that he would be leaving. Although they hadn't known each other very long, something about the time he spent with her just seemed right. He'd never felt so comfortable with a girl, so peaceful in her company. 

As he drove the buggy out to the little wooded area next to a creek, he thought about what he was going to say, then tried to summon up his nerve as they spread the quilt on the grass. Sitting and picking at Mrs. Lonnigan's fried chicken, he wondered what Donna's reaction would be. Before he could bring up his departure, however, Donna beat him to it. "Saw the sign at the stage office. I guess that means you'll be moving on."

He saw the sadness in her eyes. "Yeah, I need to get home. Donna, I, ah, I know we've only known each other a couple of weeks, but..."

She cut him off, afraid of what he would say. "Don't. Like you said, we don't know each other well enough, and now you're gonna leave, so let's just leave it like that. I liked being with you, but I can't blame you for not wanting to stick around here." She smiled a little bitterly. "I wouldn't either, if I had the choice!"

Joe sighed. Somehow he knew that if he pushed too hard for something she wasn't ready to give, he would ruin his chances for good. He nodded and looked down. "All right. But I'd like to keep in touch with you, write to you." 

It was her turn to study the quilt. "That's fine." She had to work to keep the thrill she felt out of her voice. She didn't want to fall for him, couldn't afford to! She wanted more out of her life than a simple cowhand like Joe Cartwright could provide, no matter how attractive she found him. It's a good thing he's leaving, she thought to herself. Donna wasn't sure how much longer she could hold her feelings for him in check.

Their drive back to the boarding house was a quiet one. Joe was confused and a little hurt by her unenthusiastic response to his suggestion that they correspond. He had been sure she felt _something _for him.

Donna was trying to keep her turbulent emotions under control. He obviously cared for her, and it had been so hard for her to stay non-committal when he had asked to write to her. Her soul ached for someone to care for her like that, but her head just wouldn't give up her dream of snagging a rich husband.

Joe pulled up in front of the house, and helped her down from the buggy. When he pecked her gently on the cheek and whispered, "See you at supper," it was all she could do not to burst into tears. She stared after him as he drove off to return the rig, then turned woodenly and went into the house.

Mrs. Lonnigan shook her head and mumbled to herself as Donna threw herself into the supper preparations with a vengeance. She had been sure that young Cartwright had been ready to pop the question. Had that girl actually been fool enough to turn him down?

v v v

Donna had managed to avoid him easily enough all day Monday while he was at work. Tuesday was another story. He had been hanging around since breakfast, trying to talk to her. Finally, just before dinner, she told Mrs. Lonnigan that she wasn't feeling well, and hid in her room. Part of her wanted to run out to the dining room, knowing it was her last chance to see him before he left that afternoon.

After dinner, Joe had just enough time to grab his saddlebag and make it to the stage depot on time. He had waited until the last possible minute, hoping to talk to Donna for a moment. The only one in sight was Mrs. Lonnigan, though. He thanked the landlady for her accommodations and then continued, "I was kind of hoping to see Donna before I left."

Mrs. Lonnigan harrumphed, "That fool girl don't know what she's got when it's lookin' her straight in the eye! Don't you worry, boy, I aim to talk some sense to her. She'll come around eventually. Now, git on with ya, 'fore you miss that stage!" and shooed him out the door.

She paused outside Donna's room and called, "You can come out now, he's gone!"

Donna opened the door, her eyes red but dry. Her employer continued, "Course, you could catch up to him at the depot, if you was a mind to." The younger woman looked toward the door, back at her boss, then at the door again. Unable to stand it any more, she took off running.

Joe had given up looking for her and was turning to board the stage when he heard his name.

"Joe! Joe, wait!" He looked toward the voice and saw Donna running up the street. He caught her in his arms and kissed her face as she babbled, "I was afraid I'd miss you, I didn't want to say goodbye, but I couldn't just let you leave and..." The rest of her words were muffled by his lips.

He looked down at her and struggled to get the words out. "Donna, I..." 

"Come on, mister, get a move on! I got a schedule to keep!" The driver was glaring at them. "Get in there, or I'm leavin' ya!" 

Joe looked helplessly from the stage to Donna. "Donna, I have to go," he said softly.

"I know." Her voice broke on the words. He let go of her and climbed aboard the stage. 

As soon as the door closed, the driver snapped the reins, the coach jerking into motion. Joe hollered out the window at her, "I love you!"

"I love you, too." She knew he couldn't hear her reply.

v v v

Ben Cartwright looked up as Hoss barreled into the house. "Did you get the mail?"

"Sure did, Pa. Hey, Joe. There's a letter here for you, from New Mexico." Hoss flipped the envelope toward his younger brother.

Ben noticed the sparkle returning to his youngest son's eyes at the mention of New Mexico. Something had happened there. Joe had been far too quiet and well-behaved since his return a month ago. But Ben knew from experience that Joe wouldn't talk about it until and unless he was ready. His youngest and oldest sons were more alike in that regard than either one of them would care to admit.

Joe excused himself and went to his room to read her letter.

_Dear Joe,_

_ _

_I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write. I had to work through a lot of things in my own mind first. Mrs. Lonnigan was right. I didn't see what I had right under my nose. The time you and I spent together finally made me realize that there is more to life than how much money you have. Thank you for helping me see this, even if it did take too long for me to see it. Now I know how blind I was before, and I am truly sorry if I hurt you. I really didn't mean to, and I hope you can forgive me for the way I acted. I would like to hear from you, but if you'd rather not write back, I understand. Just please remember that I love you, and I'll always treasure the time we had._

_ _

_Love,_

_Donna_

_ _

Joe read the letter over several times. She loved him! He stared out the window for several minutes, then started at the knock on the door.

"Everything all right, son?" Ben had been concerned when Joe didn't come back downstairs. There was no telling what kind of problem Joe had been brooding over since he got home, but Ben was willing to bet that there was a girl involved. He was relieved when the door opened to reveal his son's beaming face.

"Everything's fine, Pa."

"Good. Supper will be ready in about half an hour." Ben hesitated, wondering what was going on, but not wanting to pry. After all, Joe was a grown man, almost twenty-eight.

"Okay, Pa. I'll be down in a few minutes." Joe shut the door and sat down at the desk and started to write.

Ben shook his head as he descended the stairs. Well, _that _had been informative!

Joe appeared at the table, looking like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. He acted more like himself than he had in weeks, talking and joking through the meal. Hop Sing noticed the improvement in his appetite. "Bout time you start eat! You no eat good since come back, get too skinny!"

Joe laughed and announced as he got up, "I'm heading into town for a while. Don't worry, Pa, I won't be too late."

"Into town! Tonight? What for?" Hoss was mystified, unable to figure what would be so urgent that Joe had to ride all the way into Virginia City tonight.

"Got a letter to mail. I want to be sure it goes out first thing in the morning." Joe was already buckling on his gun belt.

Ben rose and went over to the entryway. "Well, be careful. And remember you have to work tomorrow!" He shook his head as his son left. It looked like Joe was over whatever had been bothering him. And to think that he had missed this! 

v v v

As the weeks went by without another letter from Las Cruces, Joe grew quiet again. For Ben, the final straw came when Joe tried to beg off a trip into town to pick up supplies. "There's enough to do around here to keep me busy, Pa. You and Hoss go on ahead." Joe really wasn't all that interested in what Virginia City had to offer.

"Joseph, I've had enough of you moping around here like you have for the last two months. Get out in that barn and saddle your horse. You are going into town with us, and that's final!" Ben couldn't believe he was saying these words. He remembered all too well the times he threatened to hog-tie his youngest son to keep him _out _of Virginia City.

Joe shrugged and meandered out to the barn where Hoss was readying the buckboard. When he saw Joe start to saddle Cochise, Hoss grinned. "Sure glad you changed your mind, little brother."

Joe looked sourly over at him. "I didn't. Pa's making me go." Hoss stared at his brother in bewilderment. This just seemed all backwards to him.

After they had loaded the supplies, the three Cartwrights headed for the saloon. Just as they were about to enter, the postal clerk came running up. "Hey, Joe! Almost forgot. This came in for you yesterday."

Joe looked at the return address on the envelope. D. Jenkins, Las Cruces. His mouth went dry. "Uh, thanks," he managed to mumble. He had waited so long for this letter, and now he was afraid to open it. Suppose he had pushed too hard, gone too fast? Had he ruined everything by rushing? He felt his heart pounding. It sounded like Pa was talking to him from far away.

"Joe? Son, are you all right?" Ben saw the color drain from his face as Joe stared at the envelope in his hand.

"Uh, what? Oh, yeah Pa, I'm fine." Joe could see his father was worried.

"Well, shoot, Joe. Ain't ya gonna open it?" Hoss was dying to know what could be in that letter that would affect Joe like this.

"Later." Joe slipped the letter in his pocket. "Let's get that beer," as he headed into the saloon.

Joe was silent, not saying a word the rest of the afternoon during the ride back to the Ponderosa. Hoss started teasing, trying to find out who the letter was from, but a warning glance from his father convinced him to keep his questions to himself. 

As soon as they got the buckboard unloaded and the horses taken care of, Joe headed up to his room to read her letter in private. A few minutes later, the stillness of the afternoon was shattered by a shrill yell.

"YEEEEE-HAAAAAH!" Joe came bounding down the stairs, waving the letter. "Hey, Pa! Hey, Hoss! I'm gettin' married! She's coming here! She's gonna be here on the twenty-second. Omigosh, that's _next week!"_

Ben caught his exuberant offspring by the shoulders. "Whoa! Slow down, son. Who is going to be here next week?"

"Donna! From Las Cruces. We're getting married. She said yes, Pa!" Joe was bouncing, too happy to stand still.

"She's the one you've been writing to?" At Joe's nod, Ben understood his moodiness the past several weeks. Joe had been waiting for an answer, and hadn't been sure of what it would be. "Sounds like we have a wedding to plan, then." 

v v v

Donna felt the stage slow, and knew they must be coming into town. She leaned toward the window, anxious for a glimpse of the place that soon would be her home. When the buildings began to appear, she felt her insides turn to jelly. She would see him in a few minutes! When his letter had come, asking her to marry him, she had agonized over her answer. Was she better off marrying a man she truly loved, even if he was a penniless cowboy? She had once vowed that she would be a rich man's wife, and would never have to scrimp and save again, but here she was, riding into town on a stage ticket that she hadn't even been able to pay for on her own. When she had told Mrs. Lonnigan of Joe's proposal, the landlady had insisted on making up what Donna was short on the stage fare. Donna had protested, not knowing whether she would ever be able to repay the loan, but Mrs. Lonnigan had told her, "Lands, child! This is a wedding present!"

The coach jerked to a halt, and Donna stepped down to the street. When she looked up, she found herself staring into those green eyes. All her misgivings evaporated as soon as she saw him, and next thing she knew, she was in his arms. After a moment, he pulled away slightly and looked at her. "I can't believe you're really here!"

She laughed. "Neither can I." 

Joe hugged her again, then turned to get her bags. "The buckboard's right over there. Pa and Hoss can't wait to meet you."

Donna felt her stomach drop at that. She still had to meet his family! To cover her nerves, she chattered the whole way back to the ranch. When it seemed like they were an awfully long ways into the country, she asked, "How much farther is it to this place of yours, anyway?"

Joe gave her a surprised look. "The Ponderosa? The house isn't too much farther, but we've been on Ponderosa land for the last five miles."

Her jaw dropped. "Five _miles? _I thought you said your father owned the ranch."

"Yeah, that's right. Well, my brothers and I are part owners, too, but Pa runs it." Joe didn't understand why she seemed so surprised.

When they pulled up in front of the house, Donna squeaked out, "You... you _live _here?" She had pictured a small cabin on a few acres of land, certainly nothing like this.

Joe turned and looked at his fiancee. "Donna, what's wrong? I told you the Ponderosa was a ways out of town." He thought she was dismayed at the thought of being out in the middle of nowhere.

She stared at him. "I thought you were broke! When you showed up in Las Cruces, you looked like any other down-on-his-luck cowpoke in town."

"Broke! Oh, Donna. The only reason I didn't have any money in Las Cruces is that I had already sent everything home. I figured I would be catching the next stage out and only held out enough money for the trip home. When I wound up staying two weeks, I couldn't wire home for money because the telegraph lines were down." He wrapped an arm around her. "Please don't tell me that this makes a difference."

"A difference!" She stepped away from him and swept her hand around, taking in the house, the trees, the whole landscape. "I came out here thinking you were a poor cowhand, barely scraping by. Mrs. Lonnigan even paid part of my ticket, because I didn't want to ask you for money. I figured we'd be lucky to have a corner of some little cabin to ourselves. And now you're asking me if it makes a _difference!" _Donna couldn't believe what she was saying. What was she so mad about?

Joe was shocked by her outburst. He reached out toward her. "Honey, I honestly never thought about it. I never tried to hide anything from you. I guess... I guess it just never occurred to me that you thought I was broke."

She stared at his outstretched hand, then up at his stricken face. She suddenly felt foolish. After all, this was what she had dreamed about for so many years. "My brains must have gotten bumped around too much on that stage! Joe, I don't know why I said all that. It's just, sometimes things jump out of my mouth before my brain can pull them back!"

He threw back his head and laughed at that just as the front door opened. "Pa's gonna think we're a perfect match, then! I don't know how many times he's yelled at me for doing first and thinking after."

"Well, now it looks like you've gone too far in the other direction. Joe, are you going to keep this young lady standing out here all day?" Ben was smiling at his son's comment.

Joe grinned back at him. "I was thinking about it. Pa, this is Donna Jenkins."

Ben clasped the young woman's hands warmly. "Welcome to the Ponderosa, Donna. And welcome to the family!"

"Thank you." Donna wondered why she had been nervous about meeting Joe's family.

Joe gestured to the big man standing behind his father. "And that's my brother Hoss. Just don't believe half of what he tells you about me!"

Hoss pretended to scowl at that. "Shoot, little brother. Now you've gone and ruined all my fun!"

Donna laughed, already feeling accepted.

v v v

Later that evening, the couple was sitting on the porch, enjoying the coolness of the evening. "Is your other brother coming for the wedding?" Donna was curious to meet the missing member of the family.

Joe's face fell briefly. "No. Adam lives in Boston, and it would take him at least a couple of weeks just to get here. Besides, his wife, uh, isn't a very good traveler." Joe's sister-in-law was not one of his favorite people. He had only met Jocelyn once, shortly after she and Adam had married, and her constant whining and complaining had made it a relief when they finally returned to Boston. Joe had often wondered how his no-nonsense older brother ever put up with her.

Donna shook her head. "I don't see how anyone could ever leave here. I've never seen trees like these."

He brightened at her words. "Good thing everyone doesn't feel like that. We'd have so many people up here, you couldn't even see the trees!" He had been worried that she would be upset at the prospect of living so far from town. "Tomorrow, I'll take you up by the lake. The views up there, well, you'll just have to see it to believe it."

The next day, she had to admit he was right. If he had tried to describe the country near Lake Tahoe, she wouldn't have believed him. The simple _hugeness _of the mountains, the trees, and the serene beauty of the lake itself overwhelmed her. As they started back toward home, he turned up a side road. "There's one more spot I'd like to show you." 

He pulled the buggy to a stop near a small clearing overlooking the lake. He helped her down, then led her by the hand into the clearing. It was only then that she noticed the grave, obviously cared for with a great deal of love. As they drew closer, she read the inscription and looked up at him. "Your mother?"

He nodded. "This is part of who I am, too, Donna. I told you I remember bits and pieces about her, but there's a lot I know only because Adam and Pa told me. Sometimes I just have to come up here and, well, think about things. But I wanted you to come here, because I know she'd like you."

She drew him over to a fallen log, and they sat. "Thank you." She knew without asking that he had never brought anyone else here. They talked about his memories of his mother and Donna's own childhood in an orphanage. She explained how she had been shipped out on the 'orphan train' at the age of thirteen with dozens of other children, and had been 'adopted' for a fee by the Jenkinses. They had been motivated more by a need for help on their small farm than by any real feelings for her, but had seen to it that she had food, clothes, and a roof over her head, at least until they had lost the farm and started wandering.

"They were nice enough folks, but not like havin' a real family. Not like your family." She would have been happy to have had someone who had even known her mother.

He noticed the lengthening shadows and stood. "Speaking of family, we better get back before Pa sends out a search party." He smiled and helped her up.

Alongside the buggy, she turned to him and pulled his face down to hers. Her kiss made him forget the sinking sun, until he realized that if they didn't leave for home right now, they would _really _be in trouble!

Finally he pulled away from her, even though it was the hardest thing he'd ever done. "Donna, no." She looked confused. He tried to explain. "We can wait a few more days, honey. I just want everything to be perfect. This isn't the right time."

Donna came to her senses and realized how close they had come to crossing the line. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." He pressed a finger to her lips.

"It's not your fault. I should know better." He helped her into the buggy, and climbed up beside her. "Now it's not Pa we have to worry about. Hop Sing's worse about mealtimes than Mrs. Lonnigan!" 

Hop Sing scolded both of them for almost missing supper, but Donna had to laugh at Joe's expression as he chattered back at the cook in Chinese. "What did you say to him?" she asked as they sat at the table.

Joe noticed his father's questioning look. "Nothing. It's just an old game we play." But he winked at Donna when Ben was looking the other way.

After supper, Joe asked if Donna would be willing to go into Virginia City the next day, to visit the dressmaker and make other arrangements for the wedding. They spent the rest of the evening making plans. By the time she said goodnight, Donna was sure that they'd be ready for their wedding day, a week and a half away.

v v v

A week later, she wasn't so sure. As she looked over the list of dozens of things that still needed to be done, Donna felt overwhelmed. Joe hadn't seemed to be much help, either, beyond carting her back and forth to Virginia City. Any time she asked him for suggestions or opinions, his reply was, "Whatever you want. It's up to you." 

On top of that, being together so much was making it harder and harder to resist the temptation to jump the gun on their wedding night. Every time he kissed her, it was a bigger struggle than ever not to take things further than they had any right to. Since that day at the lake, she understood how he felt, and agreed, but that didn't make it any easier to bear when she was tossing and turning each night.

Finally, she asked his opinion on some detail of the wedding plans, and he had given what by now was his usual response, "Whatever you want is fine with me." Donna had had enough and exploded.

"What I want is for you to act like you even _care _that we're getting married! This is your wedding, too, you know. I think you'd take a little more interest in it!" She stood. "If it's too much trouble for you, just forget the whole thing!" Donna stormed from the room, out to the porch.

Joe stared after her, shocked at her flare of temper. Ben watched him, hoping he'd figure out on his own what was wrong. A moment later, Joe looked at his father, bewildered. "What got into her, Pa?" 

Ben sighed. For all his reputation as a smooth-talking ladies' man, Joe sure could be dense when it came to women! "Just go talk to her, Joe. It's probably just a case of pre-wedding nerves." 

Joe emerged from the house and found Donna standing near the hitching rail, staring into the pines. He came up behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Honey, I'm sorry."

She tensed up at his touch, but didn't turn around. "For what?"

He didn't know what to say to that. "For whatever I did to make you mad?" He still wasn't sure what had set her off.

She shook her head. "I'm not mad. Not really. Just kind of, well, scared, I guess."

He turned her to face him. "Scared? Of what? Me?"

"Not you. The whole thing. Getting married, being a wife, all of it. I've never done this before. What if I mess it up? What if we're making a mistake?" 

He looked down at her. "Do you think getting married is a mistake?" 

She felt her doubts melting under his gaze. "No."

He tipped her chin up to look her in the eyes. "Donna, do you love me?"

"Yes." That was one thing she was sure of.

"And I love you. That's all that matters. The rest will take care of itself. I can't promise nothing will ever go wrong, but you don't have to worry about messing up. We can take on anything that happens, as long as we're together. That's what a marriage is really all about." He pulled her close. "There's nothing to be scared of," he whispered to her.

She snuggled in his arms, trying to figure out just why she was so nervous. Once she made a decision, it wasn't like her to fret about it. For the first time in her life, she felt loved and cherished. Why couldn't she just accept it? All her dreams were coming true, so why did this tiny voice in her mind keep nagging, "What if...?" 

After a moment she pulled back. "I feel stupid, worrying about everything. But things like this don't happen to people like me!" She looked up into his face. "I'm just scared that I'm dreaming, and I don't want to wake up."

He pretended to pinch her arm playfully. "There. You're not dreaming, or if you are, then I'm having the same dream. Just a couple more days, and when you wake up, we'll be together."

She reddened a bit at that. "That's the other thing. I'm not dumb. I mean I know what happens when... well, you know. But I've never... I mean, I'm not..." She looked away. "No one's ever even kissed me before!" Donna felt like a fool, confessing this to him.

Joe smoothed her hair. "Honey, a woman doesn't just magically figure it all out on her wedding night. It's okay, it's just gonna take some time and practice." He grinned. "And we'll both enjoy the practice part!" 

She turned an even deeper shade of red at that. "Great! Now you must really think I'm an idiot!"

"Of course I don't!" He pulled her back into his arms and kissed her. "Don't ever be embarrassed about who you are."

v v v

The next day Joe had cause to wonder about the wisdom of that advice. He had driven Donna into Virginia City for the final fitting for her wedding dress. After dropping her at the dressmaker's and reassuring her that he would return in an hour to meet her, he innocently walked to the saloon to enjoy a beer while he waited. He had no idea of what he was about to learn of enraged women!

Two of Virginia City's sillier contributions to the female population were fluttering over some fabrics when Donna came out of the fitting room. Mrs. Thompson stuck her head out through the curtain and told Donna "Just have a seat. I'll be back with you in a few minutes, dear." The taller of the two girls smirked as she realized who the newcomer must be.

"So you're the one who's going to marry Little Joe." Genevieve Talbot had always thought highly of herself, and couldn't for the life of her imagine how Joe Cartwright found this mousy creature more attractive than _her._

Donna regarded the other girl, noticing the too-perfect arrangement of her blonde hair and the general spoiled air about her, as if she had always had everything handed to her. "Yes, that's right."

Genevieve shot a sly smile at her friend, who was fighting the giggles. "Oh, you poor dear! Oh my, I suppose I really shouldn't say anything."

"About what?" Donna was puzzled by the girl's strange statements.

The other girl spoke up, "Go ahead, Gen. Of all people, she has a right to know what he's _really _like."

Genevieve pasted a phoney sympathetic smile on her face. "Well, you see, dear, it's very hard to see how Little Joe's going to be content with just _one _woman now. I don't think he's going to be able to be faithful to you. After all, he's used to having just about any girl he wants." She leaned in, lending a hint of conspiracy to her words. "I've even heard he's been with _those _women, the ones down on D Street!"

Donna pulled back from her new-found "friend." "What women? And what's D Street?"

Genevieve shook her head at Donna's naivete. "Oh dear, that's right. You're new in town. Of course you wouldn't know. D Street is where the, uh, ladies of the evening live." She grinned in triumph. "I guess you don't know him very well, after all, do you?"

Donna glared back at the blonde, her eyes blazing. "That's a lie, and you know it! Who do you think you are, anyway?"

"I think I've lived around here long enough to know what I'm talking about." The smirk that came to her lips was too much for Donna to endure.

Before she knew what was happening, Donna's hand flashed out, slapping the other girl. Then she had two fistfuls of blonde hair, and felt her own hair being yanked.

Genevieve started squalling like an irate cat. "Let go of me!" she screeched.

"Not until you take that back!" Donna yelled.

Hearing the commotion, Joe burst through the door at the same moment that Mrs. Thompson flew from the back room. The dressmaker couldn't believe the goings-on in her own shop! "Good heavens! Stop this at once!"

Joe cautiously pulled the battling girls apart. "What's going on?"

Genevieve attempted to regain her composure. "Just wait! He'll never be yours!" she sneered, then swept out of the shop, followed by her companion.

"What was _that _all about?" he demanded. Mrs. Thompson looked doubtfully at both of them.

Donna glared at the door. "Just some little snip thinkin' she's better than me!"

Joe rolled his eyes upward, silently asking for patience. He'd heard enough of the exchange to guess what had led up to the confrontation. He also knew that Genevieve Talbot was a spoiled brat. "And Pa thinks _I_ can't come into town without stirring up trouble!"

Donna whirled on him. "And who asked you to stick your nose in, anyway? If I think that twit needs some sense slapped into her, I don't need your help! I've handled her type by myself before you ever came along!"

When he had finally gotten Donna to calm down, Joe apologized to Mrs. Thompson for the disturbance, and assured her that Hoss would be in to pick up the dress the next day. As she watched the couple leave, the dressmaker couldn't help thinking that their life would never be dull, that was for sure!

He tried to talk to Donna about the incident on their way back to the Ponderosa, only to be met with a stony silence. "Honey, you can't go around lighting into every silly gossip in town!" No answer. "I mean, in a few days, you'll be my wife. How's it gonna look if you're always picking fights with any girl who looks at me sideways?" She just looked straight ahead, staring at the road ahead. Joe was squirming under the silent treatment. "People are going to think I can't control my own wife." 

_ _

_That _got a rise out of her. "Control me! Who said you were gonna _control _me?" She grabbed the reins from his hands, pulling the buggy to a halt. "You better get one thing straight right now, Joe Cartwright! I agreed to marry you, but there is no way on God's green earth that you will _ever _control me! I'm not some little kid that you can tell what to do and when to do it, and if that's how you think things are going to be, then this wedding is off!" She climbed out of the buggy and started walking up the road toward the ranch, leaving Joe sitting there with his jaw hanging.

He watched her until she disappeared from sight before his mind kicked back into gear. Boy, he'd really done it this time! He picked up the reins from where she'd dropped them, and started slowly up the road after her. Better to let her have a little time to cool off.

He caught up with her less than a mile up the road. Judging by the look she shot him as he pulled up alongside her, it hadn't been long enough. "Donna, please. I didn't mean that like it sounded." She didn't look at him again, continuing to walk straight ahead. "Honey, I'm sorry. Can't we just talk about it?" He was driving along beside her, trying to catch her eye, trusting the horse to watch the narrow road. "Donna, I..." The buggy tipped to the side as one wheel rolled off the road and slipped down an embankment. Joe was caught off-balance and thrown from the vehicle as it went over on its side.

Donna watched in shock as he slid several feet down the hill. "Joe!" she was screaming as she scrambled down to him. An icy dread clutched at her as she knelt by him and saw that he wasn't moving. "No! Joe, no!" When she touched his face, she realized that he was breathing, but she was terrified that he hadn't opened his eyes. A moment later, his eyelids fluttered and he groaned.

"Joe, wake up. Are you all right?" He opened his eyes to see tear-filled blue ones staring down at him.

He shifted, trying out his arms and legs. "Yeah, I think so. What happened?"

"The buggy tipped and you fell down the hill. For a minute, I thought you were..." she shuddered, then threw her arms around him. "Don't ever scare me like that again!"

They held each other for a long minute, then Joe struggled to his feet. Together they climbed back up to the buggy. After inspecting it, Joe announced, "Doesn't look like too much damage, but I'll need some help to get it back over." He looked over at Donna. "Feel up to a walk?"

"I'm fine. You're the one who got dumped down a mountain!" She didn't think he was hurt, but figured he could be putting on an act for her benefit.

He felt the lump on the back of his head. "Yeah, thanks for reminding me." He grinned at her, relieved that she wasn't still mad at him. "Better get back to the house, and I can get Hoss to come out here and help me with this before it gets dark." 

Donna looked around. "What about the horse?" The harness had snapped in the roll-over, and the animal was nowhere in sight.

Joe laughed, "Heck, he's probably home already, and wondering where his fresh hay is!" The two of them started up the road toward the Ponderosa.

v v v

"Donna, I really didn't mean that, what I said before." That evening, they were sitting on the porch, a custom they had slipped into. Joe hoped that by now, Donna was calm enough to discuss their argument of that afternoon.

She nodded, looking down. "I know. It's just that I've seen how a lot of men treat their wives, like they don't have a lick of sense. I've been on my own for too long to live like that."

Joe had learned over the past couple of weeks that Donna, despite her lack of sophistication, was an independent and strong-willed young woman. He loved her spirit, finding it a match for his own. He had never seriously considered that she would be a meek, subservient wife, and wouldn't have wanted that from her. He tipped her face up to meet his gaze. "I don't expect you to. I love you the way you are, and I'm not asking you to change. You just scared me a little, that's all. I guess it's like you said before, it just jumped out of my mouth before my brain could pull it back!"

She smiled at the reminder of her own words. "Well, I can't say too much about that!"

He returned her smile. "I just don't want to have to keep pulling you out of fights whenever we go into town."

She laughed for a second, then sobered. "Joe, I just have to ask. That girl, were you and her ever..."

Joe cringed at the thought. "Genevieve Talbot? Hardly. She thinks every guy that looks at her is crazy in love with her. But she's only interested in someone who can keep her in a houseful of servants and fancy clothes, like her daddy does."

Donna felt ashamed of the way she had first thought of him, back in Las Cruces. "You know, I used to think that I only wanted to marry a rich man, too."

"Yeah, but you came all the way out here to marry me when you thought I couldn't afford the stage ticket to get you here." Joe had figured out why she had been upset when she had found out he wasn't the drifter she'd taken him for.

"But the other things she said, about you and those women?" She wanted to know that the girl had been making all that up.

Joe took a deep breath, hoping that she could understand. "Donna, I won't lie to you. I've been with other women. Not like Genevieve was saying, down on D Street, but I haven't exactly been a monk all these years, either. I've courted a few girls in town, and you might hear some stories about me being kind of wild when I was younger. I've never disgraced my family, though, and I swear I will never give you any reason not to trust me or do anything to hurt you." 

She saw the truth of what he was saying in his eyes, and reached a hand up to his face. "I believe you. I don't think you could ever hurt someone you care about." 

He turned his head and kissed her palm. "I think we better get back inside before we give all those hens something else to cluck about."

Mrs. Thompson adjusted Donna's veil. "There, perfect." She stood back and regarded the younger woman. "You look lovely, dear. I hope Little Joe knows how lucky he is!"

Donna smiled at the dressmaker. "Thank you. For everything!" She turned back to the mirror, staring at herself in the white gown. Her dress was simple; there just hadn't been time for anything too elaborate, but she liked the plain satin with just a bit of lace at the collar and cuffs. Lots of frills and flounces might have been more stylish, but she'd never felt that it suited her. 

A couple of doors down the hall, Joe opened his door at a knock, to reveal Hoss standing there grinning at him. "You 'bout ready, little brother?"

Joe handed his brother the tie that he'd been struggling with for fifteen minutes. "Help."

Hoss laughed as he got the tie properly place. "I ain't had to do this since you were ten. Don't tell me you're nervous, short shanks!"

Joe pulled on his coat and gave one last glance at the mirror. "Not nervous, Hoss. I just kinda wish the wedding was already over." He followed his older brother out of the room.

Mrs. Thompson answered Ben's knock. "We're all ready."

Ben smiled at his soon-to-be daughter-in-law. "Good. I'll let them know downstairs." As he came down, he gave a nod to the musicians, who struck the opening chords of the wedding march.

Donna stood at the top of the stairs, wondering if her decision to come down the aisle by herself had been wise. She had explained to Joe that since she had been on her own so long, she didn't feel that she needed to be "given away," but that she was giving herself. It had taken some doing, but they had finally convinced the minister to reflect this in their wedding service. She heard the music start and took a deep breath, then started down the stairs.

Her eyes widened when she saw the crowd gathered in the great room. They'd discussed the guest list, but she hadn't realized how many people they were inviting until she saw them there. She sought Joe standing at the front of the group, and focused her attention on him. The rest of the people faded into the background when she saw his gaze locked on her.

Joe saw his bride appear on the landing, and his nerves immediately calmed. He suddenly knew that this was right, that she was the woman for him. He watched her float down the stairs and through the gathering to take her place at his side. No matter what happened from here on out, no matter if they sometimes disagreed, that was where she belonged.

v v v

Joe finally managed to spirit his wife away from the celebration, and to the cheers of the gathered crowd, the couple drove off toward Virginia City. By the time they arrived in their suite at the hotel, both had finally started to relax from the hectic rush of the last few days.

"I can't believe we're really married!" Donna was a bit dazed by the realization that she was actually Mrs. Joseph Cartwright.

He took her in his arms and kissed her. "I can. Do you have any idea how hard it's been for me to wait for tonight?" He proceeded to show her.

Later, he still held her close, even as he slept. Donna turned and watched him, thinking how right he had been. Everything had been perfect, and now she understood why he had wanted to wait. She had never dreamed that making love with him would make her feel like her soul had been turned inside out, but that's exactly how she'd felt. And knowing that they would always be together made her the richest woman in the world.


End file.
